Publish a post about my July Camp NaNoWriMo session. — Did not accomplish.
Keep up with my pen pals! — Did not accomplish.
Put away all the clean laundry. — Did not accomplish.
Go through my fall/winter clothes. — Did not accomplish.
Designate what clothes to donate. — Semi-Achieved.
Publish my regular TBR Recap post. — Accomplished!
Continue work on the filing system. — Semi-Achieved.
Clean off the couch in my office. — Did not accomplish.
Complete my American Girl re-organization project with my blue storage cubes. — Did not accomplish.
Prepare for NaNoWriMo 2020. — Did not accomplish.
Help my former professor by reviewing and giving feedback on her book. — Accomplished!
Send my completed second draft of my novel to my readers. — Did not accomplish.
October was even worse than September, if that’s even possible. Working took everything out of me, and the weekends were spent doing other things with the house and trying to keep my mental health together. I’ve gone through a ton of guilt, stress, anxiety, worry – The whole nine yards. I’m trying so hard not to complain though – We have remained healthy and still have our jobs!
With all that said, I’m determined to set up a firmer schedule to stay on top of the blog, and finally clear out the literal clutter surrounding me. I’m so tired of looking at it!
To preserve my mental health, I decided to not participate in NaNoWriMo in November. It was a difficult decision, but I’m really glad I stepped away. As soon as I said it out loud to Al over dinner during the last weekend of October, I felt a lot better. I’m looking forward to Camp in April!
I really enjoyed helping Dr. W. with reviewing and giving feedback on her book. That was a really nice change. She was so appreciative, that she sent me the sweetest thank-you card and a very generous gift card on top of it. That was awesome!
I’m writing this on Friday morning because I’m off from work today for the first time in quite a while, and it feels good!
Also, in major celebration news, I finally paid off one of my credit cards. That feels amazing! I’m determined to be more responsible with it going forward, as well as using the 2X points feature on certain purchases (gas and the occasional dining out/takeout) to my advantage.
It’s hard to believe that Thanksgiving is only two weeks away now. It seems like the holidays seem to accelerate time!
What about you? Did you have any goals for the month of October?
I fell into a terrible slump in early September. Dealing with my generalized anxiety, COVID-19, work stress, and feeling like a failure. But, I’ve picked myself up, and I’m ready to get back to the blog!
Here were my goals for the month of September:
Celebrate our 10-year dating anniversary! — Accomplished!
Get the photos and other wall hanging items off the floor in my office and get them on the walls. — Did not accomplish.
Make at least one thrift store donation run. — Accomplished!
Finish getting my P.E.O. President materials organized. — Semi-Achieved.
Publish a post about my July Camp NaNoWriMo session. — Did not accomplish.
List at least one of my three boxes of American Girl items for sale. — Accomplished!
Keep up with my pen pals! — Did not accomplish.
Publish at least one Writing Prompt post. — Did not accomplish.
Put away all the clean laundry. — Did not accomplish.
Finish re-organizing the filing system. — Did not accomplish.
Finish de-cluttering the dining room buffet. — Did not accomplish.
Al and I celebrated the 10th anniversary of our first date by getting take-out dinner from a wonderful local restaurant, Lobscouser.
September was full of working from home, going into the office a bit more frequently, paying off more credit card debt, and developing some strategies for the next few months. I feel like I’ve been more on top of things with the house, with the exception of my office. I need to get that mojo back!
I’m also really close to finishing the book I’m reading. It’s been a breath of fresh air, but I’ve been so tired at night that I don’t have the energy to read more than a few pages. We have enjoyed sitting on our porch more often, now that the weather is cooler.
In terms of writing, I made some more notes about my second draft. I need to go back into it and add a few more things before sending it back to my readers. I’m long past my self-imposed deadline of getting it to them (originally the end of August), but I will persevere in October!
I’m excited to participate in NaNoWriMo in November, but I currently have no idea what I’m doing for it yet.
What about you? Did you have any goals for the month of September?
Finish the book I’m currently reading, and publish the review. — Accomplished!
Get the photos and other wall hanging items off the floor in my office and get them on the walls. — Did not accomplish.
Make at least one thrift store donation run. — Accomplished!
Start the second round of editing for my first novel – Translate my handwritten notes from April’s Camp NaNoWriMo session into my computer. — Accomplished!
Get my P.E.O. President materials organized. — Semi-Achieved.
Write a blog post about my July Camp NaNoWriMo session. — Did not accomplish.
Put away all the clean laundry. — Didnot accomplish.
Commit to putting away clean laundry in a more organized, efficient manner. — Semi-Achieved.
Participate in a fun pet portrait session that was a giveaway win. — Accomplished!
Finish re-organizing the filing system. — Did not accomplish.
Finish de-cluttering the dining room buffet. — Did not accomplish.
August was a bit of a strange month!
My iron was high enough to donate blood at our drive on August 1st, but I wasn’t able to fill the bag. I got SO CLOSE, and my vein decided to clot up at the very end. I was so mad. But, I’m able to donate again in October.
I enjoyed my birthday, as much as I could with COVID-19. It fell on a Friday. I took the afternoon off of work, started a Jurassic Park movie marathon, and then my mom had us over for Cuban sandwiches, sweet potato fries, ice cream, and chewy fudge brownies. I felt so much love! Debbie D. was there, and I was able to celebrate my birthday with my Grandpa for the first time in years.
At the end of the month, I was asked to take mandatory leave. One of those days was August 24th, so I capitalized on the time off to make some progress on the second draft of my first novel. I was blown away with the headway I made. I was able to edit the first 40 chapters! And then I was able to finish the draft on Friday afternoon. I currently have 48 chapters. I’m excited to send it to my list of readers this week!
The house projects are still works in progress. This past weekend, however, I made more progress with my office, a.k.a. the Lady Lounge. I took out the old set of three DVD shelves, removed a full bag of trash, dusted thoroughly, and gathered several boxes for donation. Al helped me assemble my new six-shelf room organizer and navy blue bins, and it looks so much better. The dogs and I have a lot more room to navigate now!
I also posted 45 photos of American Girl doll clothes and accessories on social media, and made my first sale! I shipped those items off today. I still have three plastic storage boxes of items to photograph and post!
What about you? Did you have any goals for the month of August?
Participate in Camp NaNoWriMo, July 2020. — Accomplished!
Publish my updated TBR post. — Accomplished!
Re-organize the filing system. — Semi-Achieved.
Finish cleaning out the cabinet above the oven. — Accomplished!
Finish de-cluttering the dining room buffet. — Semi-Achieved.
Begin the binder of university newspaper articles for preservation. — Accomplished!
Send at least five cards, letters, and care packages. — Did not accomplish.
Continue preparations for P.E.O. Virginia State 2022 Convention. — Accomplished!
I had a really good month. I’m still working from home, as is Al. We are grateful to our companies for keeping us and our colleagues as safe as possible as the coronavirus continues to wreak havoc in the United States.
I’m really happy with what I’ve accomplished with this session of Camp NaNoWriMo. I wanted to add 20,000 new words to the novel I started during NaNoWriMo 2013. Look for a post about that in August.
I’m really pleased with finally getting to cleaning out the cabinet above the oven. I filled a 13-gallon trash bag nearly full with expired food and spices. A lot of it had gotten pushed to the back of the cabinets, and it’s hard for me to reach back there without standing on a chair or step stool. It’s so much easier to find the spices now. The next step is to install either a Lazy Susan system or moving shelves in both cabinets so that it’s even easier to locate what we need when we’re cooking.
The dining room buffet is a work in progress. I finally got the kitchen table cleaned off, and have kept it clean and clutter-free for almost a full week.
The filing system is also being evaluated. I need to do a few more things in my office before that can be accomplished, but I’m hoping to get a few more boxes out of the room this weekend. I also filled a trash bag and three small boxes with old books and DVDs for donation to the thrift stores. My couch is clean again!
I’m excited to buy acid-free paper and sheet protectors to preserve my university newspaper articles. I got a 3-inch binder for free from a sorority sister that was preparing to move, so that should be plenty of space to store everything.
What about you? Did you have any goals for the month of July?
Today is the day that I have been strangely anxious about for the last several weeks.
Today – July 17, 2020 – marks ten years since I escaped from my abusive boyfriend, John.
While I haven’t written down the entire book of what happened to me from 2006 through July 17, 2010, I wanted to share pieces of it, and things I’ve learned in these last ten years.
Something that Elin Stebbins Waldal wrote in her memoir, Tornado Warning, will stick with me forever:
“… I know what he can be and is capable of so I almost always feel on guard. It’s hard to just relax and trust him. It’s all so weird.”
The abuse started gradually. It was all mental and emotional abuse. John’s words could cut me like a knife. One text message could spin me out of control into What-If-Land, where I was terrified that I’d said the wrong thing. Eventually, even the words “I love you” didn’t feel safe.
John hit me twice in the week that I broke up with him, that fateful week in mid-July 2010. That was the only true physical abuse I endured. I was lucky to get out when I did.
I feel fortunate that I didn’t suffer as much physical abuse as Elin did, but, to be honest, the emotional and mental abuse was worse. The two hits that John delivered on that Monday and Wednesday simply solidified my beliefs that I was not happy, that this was not right, and that I finally had enough courage to speak up, say something, and leave.
John and I dated from July 1, 2006 through July 17, 2010. The first year, and part of the second year, I thought they were great, although there were red flags that I missed. John swept me off my feet. He romanced me. I thought he truly loved me.
I thought we were okay because we’d successfully dated the entire first year at different high schools. Turns out, he completely changed his college plans to be with me. I knew I was going to Longwood in November 2006. He had been accepted to VCU, which was only 45 minutes away in Richmond. But, he applied to Longwood, got in, and decided to go there to be with me. It sounds romantic, but it was the beginning of the perfect storm.
He started isolating me almost immediately. I remember how upset he was that I got to move in earlier than him, because I was going on a retreat with my Honors College classmates the weekend before the semester started. I could hear the anger and jealousy in his voice during the few phone calls we exchanged before he moved on campus. Each phone call made me feel horrible, like I had done something wrong.
It only got worse from there. I spent nearly every break from college crying to my mom, unloading all my worries, anxieties, fretting, fears, and more. Once I dried my tears, I felt better. I picked myself up, dusted off, and moved along. But, the next break, it happened again, like clockwork.
Abuse manifests itself in so many ugly, horrendous forms.
It took years for me to see the light. Even though EVERYONE around me saw right through it, years before. I finally realized, at some point in 2010, that I was not the same Laura Beth. I wanted to change.
The key with abusive relationships (and friendships) is that YOU have recognize that you’re being abused. No one else can convince you otherwise.
When I read Janine Latus’s book in early 2016, I made these observations in my Book Review:
The constant feeling of walking on eggshells when talking to / being around your partner – You never feel calm / relaxed around them.
Being contacted multiple times by phone / text/ Facebook message, etc. – Always checking in, concerned if I was minutes late to something with him.
Restricting time with friends and family.
Manipulating ideas and thoughts (Example: John put the idea in my head that my own mother was one of the laziest people on this Earth, and he convinced me to tell her that. It was absolutely awful. Mom forgave me, but I still feel terrible about that, all these years later.)
Certain habits become routine / expected – John was always hunting for the new trends, and wanted me to go along with him. He wanted me to wear what he thought looked best. He asked me multiple times to change clothes (phrased as, “You’re wearing that?”), even if I felt great in what I had been wearing.
This book hit me harder than Tornado Warning, which surprised me. I remember reading the end of this book while Al was asleep next to me in bed, and my eyes filled with tears as I closed the book, filled with gratitude that I found and married the man who loves me for who I am and doesn’t want to change me.
I’m glad I read this. It renewed my gratitude that I am a survivor, but also renewed my awareness that women (and men) still suffer from, and die from, abuse every single day.
If nothing else, there are two specific terms that I want you to take away from this post: Love bombing, and gaslighting.
Love bombing: The practice of showering a person with excessive affection and attention in order to gain control or significantly influence their behavior.
Gaslighting: manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.
Thank you for reading. I’m so grateful to all who have supported me in the last ten years and longer.
I’m especially grateful to Al, who loves me for who I am, has never tried to change me, and is an amazing husband. I try my best to be as amazing of a wife to him.
Finish the second draft of my novel. — Did not accomplish.
Send the second draft of the novel to my readers for additional feedback. — Did not accomplish.
Clean out and organize the linen closet. — Accomplished!
Send the box of consignment items to Darby. — Accomplished!
Begin the binder of university newspaper articles for preservation. — Did not accomplish.
Send at least four cards or letters to friends. — Accomplished!
Publish a post about The Ebony and Fire Writing Club at least once a week. — Did not accomplish.
Re-organize the filing system. — Did not accomplish.
Finish cleaning out the cabinet above the oven. — Did not accomplish.
Finish de-cluttering the dining room buffet. — Did not accomplish.
Spend another hour on American Girl items inventory. — Did not accomplish.
This month was weird. I was more deeply affected by the murder of George Floyd and the Black Lives Matter protests than I anticipated.
However, I was able to give blood! Yay! Al made steak the night before the drive, and my iron level was 14.3, one of the highest levels I’ve had. The baseline requirement for women is 12.5. And, my favorite phlebotomist, Spencer, was at the drive and helped me through it. I struggled to fill the bag, which is completely my fault. I forgot to drink enough water. More fluids!
I shipped off the massive Walmart box to Darby. It weighed almost 25 pounds! I paid almost $95 in shipping costs, but Darby offered me $164 in store credit, so I jumped on it. I’ve gotten a lot of pretty things this month, and I found a beautiful shirt with a flower on it and “Mom” on it for my mom.
I did a lot of other things with the house the month. The linen closet is finally clean and organized the way it should be, at least in my mind.
Al and I also went through our closets, filled two garbage bags full of outgrown clothes, and gathered several other things to donate. I dropped everything off at the thrift store on Sunday.
I’ve been slowly making my way through Just Mercy. It’s a good book, but it’s heavy. Look for a review on the Netflix documentary “13th” coming soon.
The Ebony and Fire Writing Club is currently on hiatus. I was disappointed at first, but one of the organizers wanted to take a break to focus on Black Lives Matter and some other priorities for a while.
What about you? Did you have any goals for the month of June?
Hot Shot Headlines 
You must be logged in to post a comment.