Tag Archives: Opinion

04.15.16
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Book Review #11: “The Vacationers”

The Vacationers

Image Credit: amazon.com

“Families were nothing more than hope cast out in a wide net, everyone wanting only the best.”
― Emma Straub, The Vacationers

I’m so excited to be reviewing my first book from the 2016 Reading Challenge!

First up:

Our family friend Lucy brought this book to my parents’ house and let me borrow it. It took me absolutely forever, but I finally finished it.

Confession: I had only gotten about 30 pages in when I abandoned it, so I literally started over, from the beginning. It was a good decision.

Once I got started, I wanted to keep reading. I kept getting interrupted, but I felt great satisfaction once I got to the end.

In total, it took me about two months to get from beginning to end.

The main reason I abandoned the book in the first place was other priorities – Our wedding, the holidays, starting school again. As I started the book over, however, I wasn’t sure if I was going to finish it. I liked the story, but some of the characters bothered me, Franny in particular, Bobby, and Carmen. I wasn’t so fond of Jim, either.

However, determined not to quit again, I kept chipping away at it.

Then, one night last week, I flew through three whole chapters. I wanted to keep reading, but I knew I needed sleep. I reluctantly set it aside with my glasses, and dreamed of Mallorca.

I finished the book, in triumph, earlier this week. It felt great.

My original issues with the characters sorted themselves out as I kept reading. They all have flaws, just like we do. I admire Straub for writing about a completely different country, and making me feel like I was there, with the Posts, the entire time. I was wrapped up in their world, for the whole thirteen days that they experienced.

It’s definitely one of those books I would recommend when you need an escape – Whether you’re traveling, or need a vacation from your everyday life – Straub’s writing transports you to Mallorca with the Posts, without hopping on a plane.

It’s not necessarily a classic novel, but I enjoyed reading it. I’m curious about her other works as well.

The ending left me as a crossroads, likely how the characters were feeling as well. I wanted to see more of them in another work, but at the same time, I felt content and found myself imagining their journeys afterward.

4 out of 5 stars.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

03.31.16
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Commentary #18: “Elevation Church Is Kind Of Unsettling – And Kind Of Beautiful”

ElevationChurch01

Image Credit: http://www.ls3p.com

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

~Hebrews 10: 24-25 (ESV)

Freckled Italian has done it again!

Megan included this link in her blog post on Friday, March 25, as part of her recurring “Friday Favorites” series.

I took a sick day last Friday after having a massive panic attack (More about that later, in another blog post), so I was skimming through Facebook late in the afternoon and found Megan’s post. Her comments fascinated me, as well as the comments from her readers. I skimmed through the story, and let it marinate for a couple days.

Here’s the link: Elevation Church is kind of unsettling – and kind of beautiful

After the initial skim, I sat down and read through Katie’s account, and I found it fascinating. She went to Elevation Church’s Blakeney venue in Charlotte, North Carolina, where Megan lives. The photo at the beginning of this post is what you would see from your seat there on a Sunday morning.

Wow.

Katie’s main observation:

“… I thought I’d try out the Blakeney venue because it’s a broadcast location, which means it functions like an indoor concert hall that’s loaded with media equipment plus a giant camera swiveling on a long arm to broadcast the sermon to other locations, and the Internet …”

So much technology!

Don’t get me wrong – I’ve been to several Christian rock concerts in my time … but I can’t imagine experiencing that level every single Sunday.

I grew up in a traditional United Methodist Church – It’s been like a second home since I was four-years-old, and also where I married Al nearly five months ago.

However, over the years, I’ve had the opportunity to worship in multiple churches of different denominations – Catholic, Lutheran, United Church of Christ, Baptist, Presbyterian, and a non-denominational church too.

In the last few years, I’ve seen the rise of more contemporary churches – Holding services in movie theaters, theater venues, and other modern spaces.

There’s a local one, called The Rising, that holds its services in The NorVa. I did some reading on it, and watched a few videos. I love the pastor’s enthusiasm and his messages about modern struggles and relating those to the Bible and Jesus’s time. I’m all for getting people interested in the church with different approaches – Rock music, modern messages, etc.

I think that’s great.

But, that’s not for me.

I agree with Sara – One of Megan’s regular readers / commentators.

She said:

“… I love how diverse they are and how enthusiastic everyone is, but it all feels like show and less like worship. I want my worship experience to feel honest, and it’s hard to feel that way when every Sunday is a production …”

She hit the nail on the head for me.

I don’t feel that way with Aldersgate, but I can see how that perception can be formed.

I’m on the team that runs the computers and projectors for the 8:30 and 11:00 services, and I’ve gotten a great perspective from sitting in the booth and watching everything unfold.

Our 8:30 service is contemporary – The praise band has guitars, electric drums, bass, and keyboard. It’s more relaxed – Come as you are.

Our 11:00 service is traditional – Our long-time organist plays, we sing the hymns. Most people dress in their Sunday best.

I feel comfortable, and it makes sense when you’ve attended the same church for over 20 years.

I thought Megan’s take was interesting:

“I tend to get obsessed with churches that end up with cult followings and this one is no different. I’ve been listening to podcast episodes and reading everything I can about Elevation ever since we moved here in 2014, so I was excited to see this piece on my Twitter feed. (Also I love the way Katie worded her beliefs: ‘be kind, love more, try to see the divine in others.’)”

I wasn’t sure about the “cult followings” comment at first, but after reading Katie’s account, it makes sense. She almost didn’t get into the venue that Sunday because of capacity. In seeing Aldersgate’s membership numbers go up and down over the years, I can understand how Elevation Church is attractive to many different people.

Again, I think that’s awesome that they’re booming and seeing overflow crowds, but that’s not for me. I’ve found that I prefer smaller gatherings, and Aldersgate fills that need for me, for now.

I loved Katie’s account, and I’m glad I read it and took the time to write this post.

“Be kind, love more, try to see the divine in others.”

Sounds perfect to me.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

03.18.16
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Commentary #17: “Disney Princesses As Modern Day Girls Living In The 21st Century”

merida-disney-princess-quotes_gzm8jj

Image Credit: sheknows.com

I’ve jabbered on, from time to time, how awesome my friend Megan P’s blog, Freckled Italian, is. She’s amazing!

Thanks to one of her more recent “Friday Favorites” posts, I found this link in one of the comments:

I love this concept!

Anoosha’s artwork is fun and colorful. Her descriptions made me laugh so hard! I read it, and re-read it, and read it again.

Usually, that’s a sign for me to write about something.

To be honest, I don’t really have a favorite Disney Princess.

As a child, I dressed up as Snow White and Pocahontas. I loved the plastic Pocahontas jewelry set from Toys R’ Us. One of our dear friends even made me a more historically accurate Pocahontas costume, and I was so sad when I realized that I had outgrown it. (Time to ask Mom if she kept it!)

I keep forgetting that Anastasia wasn’t a Disney Princess, but she is, in my eyes.

Mulan made me want to stand up against bullies.

Jane made me want to see the world and interact with animals.

Tiana furthered my love of history, and wanting to see New Orleans someday.

Merida made me want to learn archery and get back on a horse.

I’ve seen all of the movies, multiple times, although I must confess that I never watched The Little Mermaid all the way through until college.

Out of all of them that Anoosha illustrated (Note: Not all the princesses are featured), I think I most closely associate with Belle.

My mom has a picture of me, at six years old, happily smiling as Belle at Disney World has her hands on my shoulders.

I have dreamed of / longed for / obsessed over having the library that she explores for years – Every single detail.

I love that she’s portrayed as a fangirl, loving books and Doctor Who and fanfiction. It reminds me of the Nerdy, Geeky, and Damn Proud Of It post I wrote last year.

I love this piece. I’ve saved the web link, for future reference. I want to show this to my future children, to show them that life is not all about pink and dresses and castles and fairytales.

These young women are graceful, strong, intelligent, beautiful, adventurous, and kick-ass awesome.

Plus, this is a reminder to myself, as well. I love getting dressed up, putting on makeup, and feeling like a princess – Occasionally.

Anoosha turned the princesses into images that we all can relate to – and I’m over the moon excited about it.

I wonder if these illustrations could be turned into dolls?

Check out more of Anoosha’s work here.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

09.03.15
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Commentary #10: “American Gun Control Rant”

Disclaimer: This post contains strong language.

Thanks to my friends Justin and Steph, I watched this video earlier this week:

After watching it, I shared it on Facebook. My tagline with the post read:

“Take eight minutes out of your day and watch this. It’s almost embarrassing that the British get this and know it better.”

“The Last Leg”

Steph, who is British, was the one who originally posted the video. Her tagline was:

“To my American friends … surely this makes sense???”

—

The show, called “The Last Leg,” airs every Friday live. They have a popular YouTube channel as well.

According to Steph, the show started a few years ago, focusing on the Paralympics. Adam Hill, the guy ranting, is an Australian comedian with one leg. Alex Brooker, sitting on the right side of the sofa, also has a missing leg. Josh Widdicombe is another comedian, who happens to hail from an area close to where Steph is from.

She loves the show and highly recommends it. They also do other topics. Example – They mock ISIS in a weekly feature called the “Ghadi Spot.” They always mention someone who’s been a dick. They also did a bit with Greece on their economy through Jeremy Kyle, sort of like Jerry Springer, which Steph thought was “brilliant.”

She posted links to the Greece situation sketch, and another titled “Following Donald Trump With A Tuba.”

Key Points

Watching the “American Gun Control Rant,” several key points stuck out to me:

  • “Between 1966 and 2012, the U.S.A., which has 5 percent of the world’s population, has had 31 percent of the world’s mass public shootings.”
  • “The United States of Ammunition … Turns Out Guns Do Kill People”
  • “You can’t change the Constitution … If only there was some way of amending the Constitution … I don’t know, some kind of amendment … Like the 33 amendments that have been made … Even the right to bear arms is an amendment …”
  • (Discussing the fact that the shooter of the Virginia reporter and cameraman filmed and uploaded the shooting) ” … Do you go for the sensational angle, or the tasteful one?”
  • There are no age restrictions on news websites. One of the guys gave an example if that you were 11-years-old, you could go on a news website and automatically watch the footage of the man shooting the reporter and cameraman, but that same 11-year-old can’t buy a ticket to a PG-13 movie like Pitch Perfect 2. Then the guy added, “which is a shame, because it was a delightful movie …”
  • Journalism is actually contributing to the problem.
  • Adam amended the national anthem on our behalf, which was painful to hear, yet hilarious at the same time!

The entire video was a good laugh. They are a funny group, for sure. However, they also gave me a healthy dose of reality.

Comments

On Steph’s post, Justin wrote, almost immediately:

“When our recent President got elected, every fucking paranoid asshole got scared he would take their guns and gun sales shot through the roof, no pun intended. America is a paranoid nation and our major news media only makes it worse, specifically Fox News. This makes total sense Steph. People are always scared of a bad man with a gun coming to get them and that the way to stop them is with a gun. Yeah except a gunman won’t be all ‘I’m going to come here at this time and kill people. You have 10 seconds to prep for it.’ He just will show unexpectedly and kill people. Sure people carrying can kill him back but the fact is I don’t want my Saturday at the mall ruined by some nut who decided to shoot the place up. Even if he fired off 1 bullet and then got killed, it still makes it a terrifying experience that could have been avoided. I say keep the guns for the military and law enforcement. Civilians shouldn’t have them, or at least they can with strict ass laws but I’m doubtful of that. What is it like in Britain over there? I heard your country really cracked down on them. Now yes crime will always find a way, but laws can make it a bit easier to sleep at night without worrying of a gunshot in the dark. And about the TV reporters who got shot, there are conspiracy people already saying it’s a hoax to de-arm America. I am not shitting you.”

—

To me, Justin hit the nail on the head. We are paranoid, and the media just stirs the pot. I majored in Communication Studies with a concentration in Mass Media in college. I’m glad I did, because I am far more suspicious of any media now. To quote Professor Halliday, I always have my bullshit meter out and aimed.

Britain vs. The U.S.

According to Steph, apparently only one specific section of the police carry arms. In general, though, “coppers” don’t carry guns, but they do have tasers, although that issue was debated heavily. Gun crimes do happen in Britain, just not nearly as often. It’s also a crime to “use/carry imitation guns.” Apparently, in Britain, the biggest issue is knife crimes.

Steph wrote:

” … Like you Justin I think it should be the right for military or police to carry weapons. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a teacher in the US having to lock down because some nutter has decided to go on a killing spree.”

Steph’s reply made me think of this: Teacher credited with calming West Virginia teen hostage taker

Treating Guns Like Cars

I also jumped in, writing:

“This was amazing, Steph. Thanks for sharing with Justin, who shared it with me. I have shot several types of guns in the past, and I have learned about gun safety and how to handle a weapon properly. I agree with Justin – Guns belong with the military and law enforcement. If you want a gun, you should have to go through a process like you would to drive a car. I saw that comparison online today. So many people stand behind ‘the right to bear arms.’ I’m all for patriotism, but I’m definitely not okay with the amount of violence that guns are used for. I live the Hampton Roads area, and it makes me sick to see a new shooting on the news almost every single night.”

This is the comparison I was referencing:

I thought this idea was brilliant.

I personally don’t think that this will ever happen in the U.S., due to the National Rifle Association and people standing by the Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution …

HOWEVER, it’s certainly nice to think about.

Imagine a world …

Self-Defense

The comments briefly shifted to self-defense with a comment that Steph made. I brought up the Trayvon Martin case that came out of Florida in 2012.

But, that’s a whole other conversation, with “stand your ground” laws, and self-defense in general.

Desensitized

Steph wrote:

“Do you think your country is becoming desensitised (sic) with the regularity of shootings? It’s awful and a wonder that there has been no stop to it. I would feel shit scared to fall asleep at night. Could start cycle of am scared so have gun to protect myself from someone with a gun?

—

Justin and I both agreed, immediately.

—

I wrote:

“Oh absolutely. I fully believe we are desensitized. As they said in the post we have had so many mass shootings since Columbine in 1999. I know people who have guns for protection. And I’ve heard of cases where people have guns for “protection,” and then either they get killed or someone in their family gets killed because one of their young children gets a hold of and it’s loaded.”

—

Steph replied:

“Sheer madness!”

—

Justin wrote:

“YES!!! We totally are desensitized with it. You live your whole life in a nation that shoots people every day and you will start to see it, sadly, as a part of every day life. I hear you on the knife crimes. I have a friend who was in Britain and was mugged by a guy with one. Scary thought. The case about the Uzi was something I remember. There was no fucking reason that girl should have been using it or trying to fire it. That gun kicks like a horse and without a good tight grip it would have gone everywhere. Sadly she didn’t have that and now that man is dead. I love this video that you shared Steph, just a bit disappointed as well, that people from other countries look at us and go ‘Wow you guys really need to get your shit together.'”

The Uzi case we referenced: Child firing Uzi at Arizona shooting range accidentally kills instructor 

Celebrating Zero Deaths

Justin also recalled the day that New York City celebrated no violent crime for 24 hours.

It was Monday, November 26, 2012.

Ironically, the only credible source that I could find with a link to this story was the BBC …

Either way, that article also referenced a graph of global murder rates (per 100,000). The U.S., based on a 2011 study, ranked 8th out of 11 measured global areas. New York was slightly higher than the overall U.S. murder rate. However, at the time of the study, Caracas, Guatemala City, San Salvador, Port-au-Prince, Bogotá, and Sao Paulo were all higher than New York and the U.S. Beneath the U.S. were the cities of Moscow, Paris, and London.

Mental Illness

Then Will chimed in, writing:

” … The main problem that needs to be looked at is mental illness. That’s the root of the problem. Sure, guns end up in the wrong hands of people. Maybe it is too easy. And I think Justin already pointed out that even with gun control, bad people can still get guns. Or use a knife. Or use a bomb. But that’s just it. Gun control is not going to eliminate guns from bad people’s hands. Only law-abiding citizens are going to abide by the law! You don’t take care of a wart by picking at it. You get to the root of the problem. I’m not saying that’s an easy solution but it’s something our govt (sic) needs to address. Unfortunately we stand to make more money on pharmaceuticals. And of course, Hitler, Stalin, Mao forced people to turn over their guns in our past. Millions upon millions killed. Not saying that’s going to happen again but as they say, if you don’t know your history you’re doomed to repeat it.

And I understand liberals hate Fox news, and I’m not saying they’re perfect (I don’t even bother with the news on tv) but let’s not pretend MSNBC, CNN, etc aren’t just as bad if not worse. And though I was hoping to find credible numbers to back this up Fox News has had better ratings than MSNBC, CNN, etc. You can dice that any way you want. Personally they’re all bad as the other.”

—

Justin replied:

” … As far as mental illness is concerned, yeah that’s a huge issue too. The biggest one to date. Mentally insane people are dangerous enough, when they get a hold of dangerous things it makes things worse. But people in this country are way too inclined to throw them in jail or shoot them instead of addressing their illness and getting them the help they deserve. It’s an underfunded thing, and it needs to change.”

Recap – My Thoughts, Overall

  • “The Last Leg” — Thanks to Steph and Justin, I’m hooked. I look forward to watching previous episodes and enjoying newer ones. I have a greater appreciation for British humor and comedy, although this video in particular was a bit painful to watch, because everything these guys said was absolutely fucking true. Get your shit together, America!
  • Comments — It was fascinating to see the long string of comments on Steph’s post. I re-read them all to write this piece. I’m happy that a conversation, albeit small, was started on Facebook. I hope this blog post inspires more conversation. The news media has put a terrible spin on guns, gun control, and mental illness – All of them are guilty. It’s time for real conversations between the people who live in this country.
  • Britain vs. The U.S. — It’s fucking embarrassing that the U.S., once again, is behind our countries, on yet another key issue. Again, get your shit together, America!
  • Treating Guns Like Cars — This concept, to me, is fucking brilliant. We all have specific rules to follow in order to drive cars, motorcycles, boats, 18-wheelers, and other vehicles. Why can’t similar rules be applied to guns?! It makes so much damn sense. Granted, in my comments, I stated that guns should be left to the military and law enforcement. I stand by that statement. However, I think that if a non-military, non-law enforcement citizen wants to own a gun, then there should be crystal clear, upheld rules that must be followed to get one and to keep one. Across the board, federal rules. No fucking exceptions!
  • Self-Defense — This is still murky, and the Trayvon Martin case blew self-defense and “stand your ground” laws out of the shadows and into the international spotlight three years ago. This issue needs to be universal across the entire U.S. This is something that the Supreme Court should decide, not be left up to the states.
  • Desensitized — Like the comments above, this is because of the ridiculous amount of media coverage. My local news stations almost always lead their broadcasts, day in and day out, with the latest shooting or the latest death by gunshot wound. I hate it, I fucking hate it. I barely pay any attention while on the treadmill at the gym at 5:30 in the morning, and I ONLY seek out the online stories if the locations are close to me or my family. It makes me sick. It’s a fucking ratings game, that’s all it is. Hence why I studied Mass Media, but decided to not go into reporting or broadcasting.
  • Celebrating Zero Deaths — This was certainly intriguing when the story broke. However, it’s actually very sad. It only lasted one day, in one major city in the U.S. All around the country, there are countless shootings in so many cities, large and small, every single day. Sure, the major cities get covered. And more recently, we’ve learned about the losses of police officers, TV reporters, state troopers, college students, and children.
  • Mental Illness — Like the comments above, this is a HUGE issue. And it’s a damn shame that it’s an issue, because it simply shouldn’t be. However, there are so many pieces that need to be fixed. Example: There have been several reports, in Hampton Roads and in the state of Virginia, where no beds were available at mental health facilities for those in need, in times of true crisis (Virginia Senator Creigh Deeds’ son, Gus, in November 2013; and in Portsmouth, Jamycheal Mitchell, in August 2015). In the last fourteen years, I have known four people who have died by suicide, and at least two of those died due to self-inflicted gunshot wounds. The stigma needs to end. These people are simply crying out for help. They deserve that help. They deserve the very best facilities and the very best people and the very best care to help them get better.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

07.17.15
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Book Review #8: “Tornado Warning: A Memoir of Teen Dating Violence and Its Effect on a Woman’s Life”

“This book is dedicated to the countless individuals who have suffered at the hands of a loved one; may you find peace and healing in your journey and know that your life has meaning and purpose. Every human being and living creature deserves a life free from torment of any kind; there is no excuse for abuse.”

~Elin Stebbins Waldal

This is now the second time I’ve read this book.

This book was displayed on one of my local library’s shelves, several years ago. The title stuck out to me immediately. I felt compelled to pick it up and read it.

Then I remembered this book again a couple months ago. I remembered it was called “Tornado Warning” and I remembered there was a brightly-colored flower on the cover.

I decided, right then and there, to buy it.

When I received it in the mail, I was pleasantly surprised to learn my copy had been signed by the author.

“Love begins inside …”

Love (using a drawn heart), Elin

Today, July 17th, is the five-year anniversary of my freedom, my emancipation.

Like Elin, I was fortunate to get out of my abusive relationship, alive.

For me, it took four years, and 16 days.

Re-reading this book, several years apart, was striking for me. The book was published in 2011, so I’m fairly certain the first time I read it was either in 2011 or 2012.

No matter how much time passed, my feelings were exactly the same.

I drew so many comparisons between Elin and myself. I saw so many similarities between her abusive boyfriend, Derrick, and mine, John. We both met these guys when we were 17. (I turned 18 a month after John and I started dating.)

Even Elin’s writing style is similar to mine.

It’s a brief memoir, less than 200 pages, but those pages speak volumes. It envelopes you in Elin’s world, from age 17, to the present day with her husband Jimmy and her children, to her childhood, and back again. It’s a fascinating, yet frightening tale.

I’m a visual reader. I can tell I’m reading a good book when I can put the book down, or look up for a few moments, and see the scene I was just reading in front of me, like watching a movie.

The scenes she painted, they were absolutely horrific.

I could almost hear the yelling, the screaming.

I cried several times. I had to put the book down several times and reach for something comforting to hold for a while. If I read for a while before bed, I could close my eyes and visualize the last scene I had read, with a chill crossing my skin every time.

A girl, apparently from Connecticut, according to the address label affixed to the inside cover, highlighted several passages of the book.

One of Elin’s journal entries had this highlighted:

“… I know what he can be and is capable of so I almost always feel on guard. It’s hard to just relax and trust him. It’s all so weird.”

That was me, to a T.

John hit me twice in the week that I broke up with him, that fateful week in mid-July 2010. That was it.

For Elin, however, her physical abuse was far worse. I could see it. I could almost feel it, feel what Derrick was doing to her. I had goosebumps almost the entire time I read, and re-read, this book.

However, Elin and I both suffered immense emotional and mental abuse. It was absolutely chilling to read her story. I feel fortunate that I didn’t suffer as much physical abuse as Elin did, but, to be honest, the emotional and mental abuse was worse. The two hits that John delivered on that Monday and Wednesday just solidified my beliefs that I was not happy, that this was not right, and that I finally had enough courage to speak up, say something, and leave.

This book brought a lot of flashbacks to my abuse that I endured. John and I dated from July 1, 2006 through July 17, 2010. The first year, and part of the second year, were great. I would say they were almost perfect. John swept me off my feet. He romanced me. I thought he truly loved me.

From my experiences: College changes people. Usually, it changes for the better, but college can change people in the worst ways as well.

If you and your boyfriend/girlfriend from high school go to the same college together, take it from me, you’re taking a big risk.

And this doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships. Friendships are affected. Families change.

Abuse manifests itself in so many ugly, horrendous forms.

For me, it took years for me to see the light. Even though EVERYONE around me saw right through it, years before. I finally realized, at some point in 2010, that I was not the same Laura Beth. I wanted to change.

The key with abusive relationships is that YOU have recognize that you’re being abused. No one else can convince you otherwise.

The only complaint I had with Elin’s book is with the structure. Her intentions were good to intersperse her personal journal entries with the memoir, but it was difficult to follow at times. It got confusing. It felt a little forced. It felt out of place at certain points.

Other than that, I’m so grateful I bought this book. This book is symbolic of my experiences, the journey that I was on from 2006 through 2010.

This will sit on my bookshelf forever. I plan to share this book with my children, when the time is right. Elin has done that with her children, and I look forward to the days when I share my stories with my children, trying to help them understand that any kind of abuse is wrong.

I believe everyone should read this book.

5 out of 5 stars.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

07.10.15
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Commentary #8: “Quiverfull of Shit: A Guide to the Duggar’s Scary Brand of Christianity”

Disclaimer: This post contains strong language.

Image Credit: quotesabouteducation.net

Image Credit: quotesabouteducation.net

As many of you know, I follow my friend Megan’s blog, Freckled Italian, religiously. No pun intended.

I enjoy her posts immensely, and quite often, I’m inspired to write my own posts by reading hers.

Example – I was inspired by her Friday, June 26th post.

She wrote:

To Read:

Like Megan, I also don’t understand how the Duggars are so popular still!

When the Duggars first emerged on the scene, I was initially fascinated and intrigued, like many others. My parents don’t have cable TV, so I have not been a regular consumer of their show on TLC, now titled “19 Kids and Counting.” But I’m amazed that MILLIONS of people watch the show! However, with their many interviews, I have learned more than my fair share about them.

My interest peaked again when their 19th child was born prematurely. I was a preemie myself, so I felt a connection there.

But now, with the latest revelations of their oldest son’s alleged molestation, including two of his own sisters, I have absolutely zero interest in their lives anymore. I shake my head at the headlines. I’m angry. However, I wasn’t really surprised though. Molestation is often kept secret, by victims in particular, for years and years. It’s fucking terrible. I understand secrecy to an extent, but it is a terrible crime. It’s a stigma that needs to be changed. Not speaking up can cause these predators to continue their path of destroying innocence for years on end.

Personally, I was starting to get turned off by the family a few years ago, when two of the daughters entered courtship, married, almost immediately became pregnant, and declared that they wanted to have as many children as God willed them.

The courtship part was interesting to learn about, but it’s heavily supervised by the parents, and there are no individual dates. Every facet of communication is under the watch of the parents. Each single text is copied to the parents! Wow. Many children in courtship also save their first kiss for their wedding day.

… Nope, that’s not my thing!

Although I am a Christian, I don’t believe in their views of so-called Christianity. For me, I believe the couple is in complete control of adding children to their family – God is not in control in this instance. After all, the couple is having the sex to conceive, or saving the money for the adoption, or saving the money for fertility treatments, or making the decision to not have any children at all.

So, this article really intrigued me. As soon as I started reading, however, I started to feel my stomach turn. I felt so uncomfortable. I remember asking myself, just a few sentences in, “Wow, they really believe all of this?”

There are your Christians (a.k.a., me). Then there are your evangelical Christians. But the Duggars – The Duggars have gone a step further than that, which I never imagined:

“… they’re followers of a particularly scary fundamentalist sect known as the Quiverfull movement, which adheres to a deeply patriarchal and highly authoritarian set of beliefs about gender and culture.”

Wait … What?

I had no idea.

I read further, feeling my gut twist a little tighter with every word.

Birth control is evil?

Building a “pint-size fundamentalist Christian army”?

Whoa, baby. No pun intended.

That’s a little crazy.

And there’s more.

If you or your spouse happens to be infertile, and you’re part of the Quiverfull movement, well, apparently you’re shit out of luck. Apparently, God doesn’t believe in fertility treatments. So, even if you desperately want children – or God is telling you that you want X number of children, so sorry.

Also, this article doesn’t breathe a word about adoption, or foster care, or anything like that. Interesting.

“Women must obey the orders of men, in all cases”

Um, no. Hell no. Fuck no! Where are we, the 20th century, or earlier?!

I get it, in a way. Women have been submissive to their husbands – In past years. I’m sure there are some women, Candace Cameron Bure being a famous example, who prefer/enjoy being submissive.

For me, however, I believe that my future marriage is a partnership between Al and I. I try to treat Al as equally as possible, knowing that Al tries to do the same for me. When it comes to raising our future children, I would ideally like to stay home with them, if I’m able to. But, if not, I feel confident that I will be happy as a working mom as well. I will be happy as a wife to Al, and a mother to our future children, period.

“Premarital sex is sinful, and women are temptresses – who must also be sexually available to their husbands”

According to the article, this Quiverfull culture/movement, women (and men) have a lot of fucking restrictions.

I realize that there are a few denominations of Christianity that frown upon dancing, banning it even. However, with Quiverfull, women aren’t allowed to show their shoulders (Apparently that has caused their brothers in Christ to “stumble”), and then they can’t dance, AND they can’t front-hug their siblings.

What the fuck?

This makes me feel like I’m back in high school, remembering the strict dress code for school days, and then remembering the rules in place for prom and other dances. Wow!

In terms of sex, the only type allowed is “heterosexual, vaginal sex between a biological male and a biological female … and it can occur only in the bonds of holy matrimony with the intent of procreation.”

I get that, in a way. Growing up as a Christian in the United Methodist Church, I learned that sex before marriage was very much frowned upon, and if we did so, we were sinners and needed to ask God for forgiveness.

However, now, as an adult, I don’t necessarily believe that to be so bad. Sex is natural, between two people that love each other and want to express that to each other. In my opinion, as long as you’re not fucking around with multiple partners, willy-nilly, irresponsibly (i.e., without protection, you’re using your body for prostitution, etc.), I think it’s okay. As long as you love the person that you are in a committed relationship with, and you two are safe about it, I think premarital sex is okay.

“Parents control their children’s lives”

I agree with this, to an extent. As a parent, you are responsible for EVERYTHING your child does, from the day they are born until the day they turn 18. For 18 years, YOU are on the hook for your child. There are so many stories I hear from people I know, and in the media, about how the parents need to be schooled in basic parenting, or not have kids at all.

All right – Moving on …

What I don’t agree with is certain suffocating limitations in Quiverfull.

Again, no dancing. This also means no music that could cause you to dance – Meaning you’re limited to hymns and classical music. I like hymns and classical music, but if those were my only options, I think I’d prefer silence at some point. Dancing has so many benefits too – It’s exercise, it’s expression, it helps relieve stress, and so on.

Reading is restricted to “approved Christian books.” This saddens me, greatly. I love to read. I’ve learned so much about myself, about the world around me, and about my love of writing because of books. I can’t imagine not being able to go to the library as a child, to explore the wonder of getting any book I wanted, over and over. I do read some Christian books and literature, but I relish in having a choice to do so.

I do agree with controlling Internet access. That’s important, especially in today’s world of sextortion, online predators, and more. For me, my kids will not have a smartphone until the earn the money to get one, and then Mom and Dad will have strict limits on everything until their 18th birthday. My job, until they’re 18, is to protect them. I want to teach them about the bad things in this world, and then help protect my kids from it as much as possible. My kids may hate me for years on end, but my job is to be their parent, not their friend. I cannot emphasize that enough!

I don’t agree with not having a television. This is something that will be limited in my house when it comes to my kids, but it will be there. I want them to get away from the electronic devices and, you know, go outside and play. It’s how I grew up. I got kicked out of the TV room and off the computer, and sent outside. My kids will be no different.

“Families must be self-sufficient – no schools and no government assistance, no matter how many kids”

This fascinated me. Remember my recent post on welfare?

For the most part, I look at parents who choose to homeschool their children, and I think it’s amazing. I personally don’t think I could do that, ever. The best part is that we have a choice to do that. While I have a lot of beef about our education system in the U.S., I believe I got a great education in the Chesapeake public school system, and having the opportunity to be in the International Baccalaureate (IB) program in my high school was a great challenge.

However, Quiverfulls are basically mandated to live debt-free and without government assistance. Sorry – I have no idea how that’s even possible! There are so many in this country who are drowning in debt – Particularly student loan debt (It’s the fastest-growing kind, far exceeding mortgages, car loans, and credit card debt). It’s absolutely fucking terrible, it’s absurd. Many of these people will die with this debt. And that’s a damn shame!

The end of the article was also interesting, titled “The Human Toll of Quiverfull.”

This quote struck me: “It’s easy to laugh at the retrograde and irrational ideas of the Quiverfull adherents, but as Josh Duggar, Bill Gothard, and Doug Phillips have shown, the movement’s anti-feminism and authoritarianism can very easily elide, excuse, and hide abusive behavior.”

Yes, these ideas are definitely irrational. They’re hard to comprehend. After reading this article a full four times, I still have trouble wrapping my head around it all.

However, there is no excuse for abusive behavior. Zero, zilch, nada!! As a survivor of emotional, mental, and physical abuse, it makes me bristle to hear of women and men being abused, and then getting sucked back in because of broken promises. It makes me sick. But, at the same time, I’m grateful that I finally saw the light and realized I wasn’t happy, that I had lost myself, and took the steps to finally break up with John Ivey on Saturday, July 17, 2010.

I’m recently started to see a counselor to address my struggles with anxiety, recent panic attacks, and other issues that I’ve had and developed, partly because of what I endured in my four-year relationship with John. I want to overcome these issues, as much as I can, before I start a new chapter with Al when we marry on November 14th.

I want to become a better Laura Beth – A better woman, a better Christian, a better daughter, a better fiance and future wife to Al, and a better friend. I’m doing this for myself. And I feel so good!

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

06.30.15
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Hot Topic #7: Welfare

Image Credit: Lars Larson

Image Credit: Lars Larson

“We should measure welfare’s success by how many people leave welfare, not by how many are added.” ~Ronald Reagan

That photo above?

Originally posted May 30th

At last count:

  • 70,000+ likes
  • 492,500 shares, and counting
  • Literally countless comments

I received quite an education when I found this and shared it on Facebook about two weeks ago.

It inspired me to take the comments that were posted on Facebook, and research welfare on my own.

First, the basic definition of welfare:

  • Welfare is the provision of a minimal level of well-being and social support for all citizens, sometimes referred to as public aid.

This link gives information about the U.S. welfare system.

The Heritage Foundation is another interesting resource about welfare, welfare spending, and welfare reform.

Back in 2012, The Weekly Standard published an article titled “Over 100 Million Now Receiving Federal Welfare.”

Note – This count of Americans did not include those receiving Social Security or Medicare.

In my opinion, because this chart was released by the Republican side of the Senate Budget Committee, it’s slightly biased.

However, in any case, the numbers are striking. The chart started in the first quarter of 2009, where over 97 million Americans were receiving means-tested welfare. The chart ends in the second quarter of 2011, where over 107 million Americans were receiving the same kind of welfare. Keep in mind, this chart encompasses all of 2009, all of 2010, and the first half of 2011, when the country was plunged deep into the “Great Recession.”

The article goes on to indicate that food stamps and Medicaid were the two highest programs of enrollment.

Unfortunately, I don’t think those numbers have changed for the better.

As for the picture in the beginning of this post, I was glad to get both sides of the story.

Arguing in favor of making drug testing mandatory in all 50 states when applying for welfare, it makes sense, in a way. Most employers nowadays require hired employees to complete a drug test before starting work, to comply with employees being alcohol- and drug-free in the workplace.

Applying it to welfare candidates makes sense – ALMOST.

The comments I got on this photo were how mandating drug tests could jeopardize these people greatly. I get that, I really do. If you’re applying for welfare and you’re required to get a drug test, that adds pressure. And if you’re already on drugs, that added pressure doesn’t help at all.

Another point that was made was about the money involved. Apparently those states – Florida, Kentucky, and Missouri – have LOST money because of mandating these drug tests. If a person applying for welfare passes the drug test, then the state gives them the money for the drug test, along with starting their welfare benefits.

It was fascinating to read the comments – It certainly humbled this writer!

Welfare has helped many in this country, no doubt, for many years. Food stamps keep adults and children from going completely hungry. Medicaid gives struggling parents and children the access to the healthcare facilities that they simply can’t access without assistance. And there are other programs too.

But what we always hear about is those who use and abuse the system, such as women or parents who keep having children because they know that their welfare benefits will increase with each child. That kind of thing. Apparently these women have been dubbed “Welfare Queens.”

That makes me sick.

My argument, when originally sharing this photo, was that there needed to be more regulations to the welfare system. More crackdowns. More restrictions. Because of the comments that were made, I now know that’s not the case.

These numbers should certainly be tracked and analyzed, and I think that can be improved and publicized better. Investigations should be done into suspected cases of abuse, and it should be consistent.

However, welfare is keeping many afloat.

I just wish these people could/would eventually get off welfare and make their lives even better … But that’s another story.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

05.24.15
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Getting Personal #11: Memorial Day, The Military, And An Awesome Charity

With Memorial Day coming up tomorrow, I wanted to share my thoughts on the military, and tell you about an awesome charity that was highlighted by TODAY.com earlier this week.

Something I see online almost every year, around this time, is the the reminder that this weekend is not all about the day off from work on Monday, the road trips, the “unofficial start to summer,” and so on.

One of the images that I saw on Facebook being shared earlier this week definitely made me pause and reflect:

I’m not sure if the numbers under Iraq and Afghanistan are accurate anymore (unfortunately), but the numbers in general are stunning, breathtaking, compelling.

Also, the Gulf War was unfortunately omitted from this graphic, so I am adding 294.

Since the U.S. entered World War I in April 1917, a total of 619,594 U.S. men and women have died for our country.

Wow.

I loved this article about Elsa Zarate. She started Bands4Courage, making custom bracelets and wristbands out of old military uniforms.

Image Credit: Elsa Zarate

Image Credit: Elsa Zarate

It all started when she took apart her son’s old boot camp uniform and made a wristband of parts and pieces, to keep him close to her while he was deployed with the Marines.

It was so unique that people started ordering bracelets and donations of uniforms started pouring in. She provides five free bracelets to anyone who donates a uniform. Bracelets typically cost between $5 and $10. One-half of the proceeds directly supports organizations that work with service members and their families. With every bracelet, Zarate includes a card with information about the uniform used in the piece and the person who wore it for our country.

Her son returned home safely and is stationed in California, but Zarate knows of those whose sons, daughters, parents, and other family members weren’t so lucky.  She made her first bracelet in 2011, and, to me, she is definitely proud of what she does.

I’m definitely going online and checking out Bands4Courage. As a proud Coast Guard brat and having other relatives serving and have served (grandfathers, cousin, extended family), I’m very passionate about the military. Throughout the last several years I have considered joining the CG, but ultimately realized that I’m just not military material. However, I will tell my kids about my dad and my family with great pride and admiration. And if they decide some day to go to one of the military academies for college, join the ROTC, or enlist in one of the branches of service, I will beam with pride as I encourage them to serve their country proudly and with great honor.

As we celebrate Memorial Day 2015, I will be thinking of my Grandpa Madan in heaven, who served in the Army. He married my Grandma Grace just five days before D-Day in 1944. He fought valiantly in Europe and received the Purple Heart. One of my favorite pictures of him is him in his Army uniform. I definitely miss him, he’s been gone for nearly seven years now, but I always think of his service. He never talked about the war, but I know his service left a lasting impact on his life.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

04.05.15
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Book Review #6: “The Happiness Project”

Image Credit: goodreads.com

Image Credit: goodreads.com

“Look for happiness under your own roof.”
― Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project: Or Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun

I can’t remember where I first heard about this book, but I liked it.

Last summer, I was in Target, and I wandered into the book section. I was instantly drawn to the brightness of the cover, and the the title looked intriguing. I love a good sale, so I was even more excited when I saw the little circular sticker on the cover, advertising 20 percent off. Into my cart it went.

Fast forward six or seven months. At the end of January, Al and I were flying to Florida to see my dad and grandpa (You can read about that trip here).

I like to read on planes, so I was scanning my bookshelves in my bedroom. The cover of this book is very bright, and it stood out to me. I started thinking about how long it had sat there, untouched. So, into my backpack it went.

I powered through the entire book before the weekend was over.

One of the first things that attracted me to this book was the bright colors. I have always considered myself to be a colorful person. The bright blues and yellows of the covers stood out to me.

The other thing I read from the cover (no judging though) was it was going to be funny. The subtitle reads: “Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun”

Wow. Spending a whole year on yourself, and making yourself better, making yourself happier?

Sounded like an interesting ride.

I liked how Rubin divided the chapters into the months of the year. She decided to focus on one thing every month, which is always a good goal to strive for, with anything or any challenge – One thing at a time.

This book made me happier, almost instantly. I loved her humor and her insight into herself and her family. So many of her lines made me laugh out loud over the course of that weekend – I honestly can’t remember the last time a book did that for me.

I like reading about writers. I hope to be one, so it’s inspiring to read about people who have achieved that success and learning about their journeys, their mistakes, their accomplishments, all the ins and outs. And, since I was born in New York City, I’m always intrigued by those who live and work in that area.

I loved this book so much that I plan to read more of her work:

  • Forty Ways to Look at JFK
  • Forty Ways to Look at Winston Churchill
  • Power Money Fame Sex: A User’s Guide
  • Profane Waste (with Dana Hoey) 
  • Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives

I also looked at her website, gretchenrubin.com. She has so many resources – Not just for happiness, but for habits as well.

It was published in 2009, but it is almost a timeless book to me. It will always be relevant, in some way, no matter how much time passes.

I plan to re-read this book throughout future stages of my life. The chapters on marriage, leisure, and money as I prepare for my upcoming wedding. The chapter on parenthood down the road. The chapters on vitality and eternity years from now. Every chapter is significant, each one is something that all of us deals with.

All in all, this is one of the best books that I have ever read. I needed to read this book during that weekend in January, and I know my outlook on a lot of things in my life changed as a result. I’m excited to have this on my bookshelf, because I know I will be referencing it now, and for a long time coming.

I’m not one to highlight or underline passages in books (with the exception of my Bible), but I like journaling. I have a notebook beside my bed and in my purse, in case I have a great idea or something strikes me. I have a feeling that every time I reference this book, I’ll need that notebook beside me.

4 1/2 out of 5 stars.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

03.26.15
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Commentary #5: Follow-Up To “Godless Parents Are Doing A Better Job”

Image Credit: jezebel.com

Image Credit: jezebel.com

“Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers. It tells people to go out and stick their noses in other people’s business. I live by the golden rule: Treat others as you’d want them to treat you. The religious right wants to tell people how to live.” – Jesse Ventura

I don’t agree with this entire quote, but “It tells people to go out and stick their noses in other people’s business” speaks volumes.

Curious? Read on.

Recently, I published a post commenting on the article titled “Godless Parents Are Doing A Better Job.”

Didn’t get a chance to read it yet? Check it out.

When I published the post, the first response I got was from my friend Justin. He messaged me on Facebook, saying: “It wasn’t bad. The only thing I think you might have included is the fact that you may be expecting questions from people in your church (or other people) on how to raise them, and how you will know that your blood runs in their veins and that alone gives you the right to raise them as you see fit, religion or no religion …”

I was very pleasantly surprised to look at my WordPress stats page later on and see 25 views – Wow!

Then I went back to Facebook, and noticed two things about the “likes” on my post with the link:

  1. Only one person, at that time, was associated with my church.
  2. All of the “likes” were from people who are all under the age of 40.

This was interesting to me.

I’m not trying to make assumptions here, but I feel like people either

(a) didn’t see the post, or

(b) chose to ignore it.

Religion is one of those touchy topics. It’s very polarized. It tends to light fires under people.

For me, I don’t want to start fires or make anyone my enemy here.

I just want to have a civilized discussion on this subject, with anyone who is willing to listen and participate.

And that previous sentence right there is where some of the issue is. A lot of people don’t listen well. I’m getting better at it, every day. It’s hard to listen when you have an opinion, an agenda, or something to say – Trust me! I’ve gotten so wrapped up in talking, and thinking about what to say next, that I realize, after the conversation has long ended, that I was barely listening.

Over the last few weeks, since I published the original post, I started reflecting on several things:

  • My current view on the church (the church in general, but focusing on the church that I currently attend)
  • Observing the families in my current church
  • The people who I most closely associate with, and their views on the church and raising children
  • My vision for my future (concentrating on the next year)

When I first wrote the original post, it was tough for me to get my thoughts sorted out and somewhat straight. That’s why it took so long for me to write that post!

In my reflections, with time, I found myself less confused. I started seeing things a little more clearly.

I believe that “everything happens for a reason.” I’m living proof of that, literally. I was not supposed to survive my entry into this world, but I did. I should have had many more medical and developmental challenges, but thanks to my parents and doctors and a host of others, I didn’t.

This belief has continued throughout my time on this Earth. I believe that I was with John for so long to teach me how love can be flawed. I know that staying with John for so long, although awful and terrible and terrifying for half of it, helped me connect with Nick, and that led me to Al 🙂

My current view of the church, as a whole, is a bit skewed. My current church has been going through transition, for some time now, with membership in steady decline and the recent announcement that our senior pastor slated to leave this summer and a new one to come in. Also, this is the church that I have been attending almost every Sunday since I was four years old.

But as a 26-year-old, who is to be married in about seven months and planning to have a family one day, I’m not happy with the church. I feel smothered almost. It’s getting harder to smile on Sundays. If it weren’t for me being on the multi-media team and helping my parents out with Sunday School and blood drives on a regular basis, I wouldn’t see myself attending.

I go for the social aspect, to see the friendly faces. I’m becoming more withdrawn from the church services; less interested in worship, the Bible readings, and the sermons. I’ve learned more from helping out in the children’s Sunday School classes, which to me is exciting and sad simultaneously. I feel more connected with our associate pastor at the moment, and one of the main reasons is because she is closer to my age.

Observing the families in my church, they are wonderful people. The kids are well-behaved, for the most part (The parents are a significant part of that overall issue, but that’s another blog post entirely). The Sunday School program that we have for grades 1-5 is awesome, but attendance is down drastically, due to our steadily declining membership.

For me, if I brought a child into this world tomorrow, I would hesitate to bring them to my church.

Do I want my child/children to be baptized as infants?

  • Yes.

Do I want my child/children to learn who God and Jesus are?

  • Yes.

Do I want my child/children to be raised in the same church that I was?

  • No.

Do I want my child/children to attend church regularly?

  • Yes. But only if they choose to do so.

I want to be a mom that gives my child/children choices. I don’t want to force them to do anything that they feel uncomfortable with, within reason. Moreover, if they don’t understand something, I want to help them learn. I don’t want to force them to participate in something without explanation.

With the church, I want to guide my child/children, trying to strike a balance between holding their hand in life and letting them go on their own to discover and explore. I want them to know how I was raised and what I learned – BUT – I don’t want to raise them exactly like I was raised. I want to do that on my own terms. I am not dictated by anyone. As the mother, I have the right to raise my child/children as I see fit.

I do not plan to raise them in the church that I was raised. That was my original plan, for many years. But I have lost faith in my church over several years, literally. I don’t feel inspired like I used to be. If I don’t feel that way, I don’t want to show that to my child/children.

Looking at my friends that I closely associate with, many of them don’t regularly attend church. I can only think of three or four that go to a church. And those three or four don’t have children, not yet, anyway.

Those that have children, and there aren’t many, I haven’t seen them at my church or involved in religious activities with their children.

To me, this is part of my generation. We were raised in the church, but our marriages and families are less involved in church and religion. And to me, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

I have several friends that do not identify with religion, or with God and Jesus. And to me, that has been so refreshing. Remember how I said earlier that I felt smothered in my church?

Meeting people and becoming friends with those that are not Christians or who are less involved with the church and religion as I have been – It’s been a breath of fresh air. It’s been eye-opening. I have had more deep discussions about religion and other societal topics with them than I have with many of my Christian friends and acquaintances.

That says something.

Like Jesse Ventura, I strive to live by the Golden Rule as well. I don’t want to tell people how they should live or how they should raise their children, so neither should they.

As I think about the next year, I’m very excited to be married to the love of my life in my church sanctuary. To me, my marriage ceremony in that sanctuary is symbolically closing a chapter of my life that has been Aldersgate.

I don’t plan to withdraw from Aldersgate entirely come November 15th, but I do plan to focus on my new marriage and new home for a while. If that means I don’t attend church as much or be as involved in favor of spending more time with my new husband and our commitments to each other, then that’s the way it will be. Aldersgate will always be a part of my life, no doubt about it. But my involvement will change.

As far as raising my child or children in the church, I don’t plan to be a completely “godless parent.” I plan to draw on my life experiences to give them as wonderful of a life that a mother can give.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂