Tag Archives: Emotions

06.11.16
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Hot Topic #14: The Brock Turner Case

victims2survivors.co.uk

Image Credit: victims2survivors.co.uk

The case of Brock Turner has lit up every aspect of social media and news/media outlets in the last eight days.

I first caught wind of the story from Facebook. I sat on the living room couch, mesmerized by the survivor’s impact statement that she gave in court. Tears came to my eyes. I felt sick the entire time.

Even before I knew Brock Turner’s name, I immediately wanted to sucker punch him.

I wanted him to experience a taste of his own medicine – How would it feel for him to be unconscious, digitally penetrated, groped, and assaulted for 20 minutes behind a dumpster?

Would he feel like he wanted to shed his body “like a jacket and leave it behind in the hospital with everything else?”

Then, on Thursday, I found this link on Facebook:

I’m a Dad of 3 Boys. I Married a Rape Victim – & I Have Something to Say to Brock Turner’s Father

I read it, and one section resonated with me immediately:

Trauma has a way of blocking the logic centers of the brain and reducing its survivors to their most primitive survival instincts. When I touch my wife, nearly 13 years after her rape, she can be triggered into an immediate fight or flight response. We never know when, or if, it will happen because Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) often has no rhyme or reason. Her body remembers what her mind can’t. Sexual desire was non-existent for years, and is just now only slowly coming back. For years I couldn’t understand why she didn’t have the same desire for me that I do for her. It isn’t that she doesn’t want to, it’s that she can’t. The trauma she experienced has caused her primitive brain to associate sex with danger.

—

That exact scenario has happened to me, with Al, more times than I wish to count. It’s been tough, having been together for nearly six years now, and married for nearly seven months.

Let me stop for a second and clarify:

I was not raped, but I nearly was in 2009 by my ex-boyfriend, John Ivey. At the time, I was able to stop him, but only by screaming at the absolute top of my lungs, proclaiming, over and over and over, “Stop. No. I’m not ready. I’m not ready. I’m not ready.”

—

Sadly, many rape survivors are overpowered by their rapists. I’m talking about men, women, and children.

Over the years, I’ve read countless articles about other survivors.

Here are a few that have stuck with me.

I’ve also re-posted the impact statement from Brock Turner’s survivor, first published by BuzzFeed on June 3rd.

If you haven’t read it, I encourage you to do so. It’s already impacted my life.

I feel grateful that my situation wasn’t worse. I was abused from late 2006 through Friday, July 17, 2010, when I finally gathered the courage to break up with John, to tell him to his face that I wasn’t happy, that I had changed into a person that I didn’t recognize, that it was over.

I felt liberated.

Sadly, there are so many in this world that don’t, can’t, feel that way.

My heart breaks for them.

I never was molested by a family member, abused before middle school, assaulted by a coach or a priest that a survivor trusted. The list is endless.

Writing this post brought back some of my memories and experiences, but I know I am strong.

I survived.

I’m able to tell my story freely.

It isn’t easy. I haven’t shared my story with everyone that I know.

My parents don’t know the entire story, the entire 3 1/2 years, although they were two of the first to recognize that I was being manipulated and taken advantage of.

However, I’m grateful for their undying support, along with Al, several friends, professors, counselors, and therapists. I’m also thankful that I was raised as a strong Christian. I say that because I relied heavily on my faith during my experiences, although I may not have realized it at the time.

I only have hazy memories of my freshman, sophomore, and junior years of college, which makes me sad. College is supposed to be one of the best times of someone’s life.

But, at the same time, I think of the survivors who have hazy memories of their entire childhood, or not have any memories at all.

I feel humbled, knowing that I was able to escape from John.

Many people have never escaped at all.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

04.08.16
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Commentary #19: “The Amazing Thing That Happened On Flight 4463”

“The spirit of Southwest Airlines is exuberant, it’s caring, it’s dedicated, it’s diligent, it’s fun, it’s rewarding, it’s a joy.”

~Herb Kelleher, Founder

I love Southwest Airlines. Ever since they came to Norfolk International Airport (ORF), my family has been flying with them.

Then, seeing this story from one of my local TV stations last week made me cry.

LouAnn

LouAnn Alexander on the job, a flight attendant for Southwest Airlines, November 2015. Photo Credit: Rex Ridenoure

In this photo, LouAnn looks so happy, so in her element. Most people that work for Southwest seem that way, at least to me.

I’m so glad that her brother turned this flight into something so positive, so inspiring. This renewed my faith in humanity.

Then, yesterday, whilst browsing the ABC News website, I found this:

I’m glad she’s no longer suffering. Cancer is tough on anyone. I’m glad that she was surrounded by her family, and that she knew about the final flight.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

03.28.16
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Book Review #10: “If I Am Missing Or Dead: A Sister’s Story Of Love, Murder, And Liberation”

If I Am Missing Or Dead

Image Credit: amazon.com

“That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.”

~Friedrich Nietzsche

This book was recommended to me by a friend, Mike H. He’s a wonderful man from my church who gives blood at our blood drives. At the latest drive in February, I realized that he was a writer for the Daily Press, one of our local newspapers. I mentioned to him that I had studied journalism in college and created this little blog of mine.

Shortly thereafter, he messaged me on Facebook and we started chatting about the blog, writing, and a few mutual friends. I told him about the review I wrote on Tornado Warning, and that I was an abuse survivor.

That’s when he recommended this book.

I bought it almost immediately.

Once it arrived, it took me at least a week to get the courage to start reading it, but once I started, I couldn’t stop.

Janine’s story haunted me. Her abuse started at a younger age, and it happened repeatedly, by multiple men, over a period of 25-plus years. Reading her descriptions of her sexual assaults, in particular, made my skin crawl.

Still, reading those passages only drove me to continue. I knew the story was primarily about her sister, Amy, but it was fascinating to see her story interwoven with Amy’s. How two sisters suffered similar abuses, yet in different ways.

One of the biggest marks that it left on me was that Amy worked for Kimberly-Clark in Knoxville, Tennessee. My aunt was slated to transfer to Knoxville while working for K-C years ago, but it didn’t happen. My heart hammered, wondering if she had ever crossed paths with Amy.

Regardless, as an abuse survivor, several things that happened to Janine and Amy resonated with me.

These are several of the signs of abuse that I didn’t recognize until years later:

  • The constant feeling of walking on eggshells when talking to / being around your partner – You never feel calm / relaxed around them.
  • Being contacted multiple times by phone / text/ Facebook message, etc. – Always checking in, concerned if I was minutes late to something with him.
  • Restricting time with friends and family.
  • Manipulating ideas and thoughts (Example: John put the idea in my head that my own mother was one of the laziest people on this Earth, and he convinced me to tell her that. It was absolutely awful. Mom forgave me, but I still feel terrible about that, all these years later.)
  • Certain habits become routine / expected – John was always hunting for the new trends, and wanted me to go along with him. He wanted me to wear what he thought looked best. He asked me multiple times to change clothes (phrased as, “You’re wearing that?”), even if I felt great in what I had been wearing.

This book hit me harder than Tornado Warning, which surprised me. I remember reading the end of this book while Al was asleep next to me in bed, and my eyes filled with tears as I closed the book, filled with gratitude that I found and married the man who loves me for who I am and doesn’t want to change me.

I’m glad I read this. It renewed my gratitude that I am a survivor, but also renewed my awareness that women (and men) still suffer from, and die from, abuse every single day.

This book has motivated me, finally, to write down my own story, piece by piece.

5 out of 5 stars.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

01.23.16
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Hot Topic #12: Planned Parenthood

This photo was taken in December 2013. Faye Wattleton is the first African-American and youngest president of Planned Parenthood Federation of America. Image Credit: advocatesaz.org

This photo was taken in December 2013. Faye Wattleton was the first African-American and youngest president of Planned Parenthood Federation of America.
Image Credit: advocatesaz.org

This has been brewing inside my head, inside my whole body, for a while now.

As you read this, please know that I’m trying to be as factual and objective as possible here. I have put hours upon hours of research into this post. I hope you find this informative.

Your comments are appreciated!

First and foremost, I encourage everyone who reads this to educate themselves about Planned Parenthood (PP, or PPFA) straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.

This is the international organization’s website: Planned Parenthood.

Before starting to write this post, I took a lot of time to review their site. Doing this helped a lot, learning exactly what they do, and how they work every single day to help people in need. And, being naturally curious, I immediately wanted to explore deeper into their history and their work.

I enjoy history and research, so I wanted to share a bit of a historical look into PP first thing.

PP began as a birth control clinic in Brooklyn, New York. It was established by Margaret Sanger, her sister Ethel Byrne, and Fania Mindell in October 1916.

From there, the Brooklyn clinic became the American Birth Control League, and then the name officially changed to the PPFA in 1942.

The International Planned Parenthood Federation (IPPF) began in 1952.

PP has certainly experienced its share of protests, violence, and other attacks.

On the same day as the Colorado Springs PP shooting, U.S. News and World Report published a well-informed and researched Q&A on PP and its experiences with violence:

Not all articles or interviews related to PP are negative, however.

While reading one of the more recent issues of Glamour magazine on the plane ride to my honeymoon, I discovered it was their annual “Women Of The Year” issue. They featured what turned out to be an excellent profile of Cecile Richards, the current president of the PPFA.

I say that because I originally intended to gloss over her profile, but I’m glad I didn’t. I learned so much about her and her rise to her current position. She’s been president of the PPFA since 2006.

Re-reading that profile for this post was refreshing. Re-reading it solidified my belief in Richards’ leadership, as well as my own position/opinion on PP.

As with many of my Commentary posts, I attempt to thoroughly research the subject at hand, reading as much as I can to solidly form my own opinions, and then share my knowledge with you, my readers.

I started writing this post shortly after the November 27, 2015 attack on a Colorado Springs, Colorado PP clinic. I wanted to feature some coverage of that event here.

My intent in my research was to use a variety of sources and news outlets.

In addition to the coverage of the Colorado Springs clinic attack, I wanted to go deeper and look for other recent information/coverage about PP. I was most interested in researching the controversy that has brewed throughout 2015 over supposed undercover videos, along with the calls to eliminate federal funding for PP.

Please note: Several of these links are opinions or editorials, but I included them due to their overall value.

I hope you found these links to be informative.

My position/opinion is that PP should, basically, be left alone. The clinics should remain open. They shouldn’t be attacked. They do much more public service than I think many people realize, but the square focus has been on abortion for some time now. I wish people would take the time to understand that PP does perform abortions, but they also provide birth control, and also work very hard to educate people about reproductive health.

However, I realize that abortion has been a hot topic for decades in both the United States and around the world. There have been calls for changes, but unfortunately, the controversy will likely never end. Everyone is absolutely entitled to their own opinions and positions, but I wish innocent people didn’t have to be injured, or killed.

I have extensively researched both the pro-life and pro-choice movements, and tried to understand and educate myself on the history of abortion in both the United States and around the world.

Personally, I believe that a woman has a right to choose. This is especially true if the pregnancy is a result of rape or incest, or if the pregnancy is endangering the mother’s health in any way.

I’m glad that abortion is legal in the United States, along with a handful of other countries in this world.

Many women around the world simply do not have this freedom.

Abortion_Laws.svg

Image Credit: Wikipedia

The map above was captioned as follows:
  • International status of abortion law
  • UN 2013 report on abortion law
Legend (The colors wouldn’t copy over):
  • Blue – Legal on request.
  • Green – Illegal with exceptions for maternal life, mental health, health, rape, fetal defects, and/or socioeconomic factors.
  • Yellow – Illegal with exceptions for maternal life, mental health, health, rape, and/or fetal defects.
  • Brown – Illegal with exceptions for maternal life, mental health, health, and/or rape.
  • Orange – Illegal with exceptions for maternal life, mental health, and/or health.
  • Red – Illegal with no exceptions.
  • Dark Grey/Black – Varies.
  • Light Grey – No information.

Thanks for reading.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

01.22.16
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Book Review #9: “The Fault In Our Stars”

The_Fault_in_Our_Stars

Image Credit: Wikipedia

“Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.”
― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Oh my goodness. This book.

I fell in love with John Green and his books since I read Looking for Alaska, as part of my Young Adult Literature course, during my very last semester at Longwood.

It’s interesting how I finally got around to reading this book. Originally, I heard about the book around the same time that the movie based on the book hit theaters. I’m one of those people who prefers to read the books before seeing the movies based on the books.

Believe me, I read the book first, it just took me a while.

The book was first published in January 2012.

The movie was released in June 2014.

I bought a copy of the book, well-loved from a local book shop (Book Owl in Portsmouth, Virginia) before my wedding in November 2015.

I took it with me on our honeymoon, but didn’t touch it.

I finally put my hands on it toward the end of December, and I finally finished it one unseasonably warm and sunny Sunday, while watching Al fly his dji Phantom quadcopter around Portsmouth City Park.

Reaching the end of Green’s books, I’ve always gotten a new perspective. It’s hard to explain how his writing affects me, but every book has left an impression on me. I hope to own all of his books someday.

I wasn’t so sure about The Fault in Our Stars (TFIOS), at least at first. The hype over the movie left me a bit empty, slightly depressed. I knew it was a very sad subject. Many of my friends who had the read the book and seen the movie had said it was a definite tear-jerker. It was romantic and tragic.

I wasn’t sure if I would even like this book. And that broke my heart a bit, knowing how much Green’s books have impacted me for the last five years.

But, I forged ahead, and dove in anyway.

I came out of this book with a renewed appreciation for life.

Surprisingly, I didn’t shed a single tear. There were many times where tears welled up, but I also laughed. A lot!

Green’s writing immediately takes hold of you, grabs your shirt, and pulls you next to the characters and keeps you in their world. The entire time. It’s absolutely magical.

Green writes books that make you want to stay up all night long like you did when you were a kid, under your fort of sheets and blankets in bed, reading by flashlight.

My only complaint is the ending was very abrupt, and unexpected. It’s jarring. For me, it felt like I had decelerated from 60 miles per hour down to 0 within a few seconds.

I actually flipped to the next page, in complete disbelief that the book had ended.

But, regardless, it was a beautiful ending.

It may be a book designed for “young adults,” but it certainly renewed my 27-year-old spirit.

I think everyone should read this book.

4 1/2 out of 5 stars.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

10.24.15
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Commentary #12: The Woman Who Was Desperate To Become Blind (Body Integrity Identity Disorder)

I saw this story on one of my local TV stations’ websites on a Thursday afternoon. My eyes went wide; I couldn’t believe the headline:

Woman desperate to be blind had drain cleaner poured in her eyes, now happier than ever

Desperate to be blind?

Having drain cleaner poured in her eyes?

Happier than ever?!

I read the brief article, and then I immediately wanted to search for more. I wanted to try to make sense of this disorder that this woman had: Body integrity identity disorder, or BIID, for short.

These are the links I found when I Googled her name and BIID:

Her name is Jewel, and she’s 30-years-old. She wanted to be blind since she was six-years-old. She “felt comfortable” thinking about being blind.

According to Jewel, a psychologist helped her become blind – This person administered numbing eye drops first, then a couple of drops of drain cleaner in each eye.

It took about 18 months for the full effect. She has no contact with her mother and sister; she lied to them initially about how she went blind.

Despite some of her immediately family cutting all ties with her, Jewel says she has no regrets, and she wants to help others who are blind to live independent lives.

After reading these articles, I sat in my chair, stunned. I wasn’t sure what to make of this. Jewel insisted in her interview that she doesn’t think she’s crazy – She has a disorder. In addition, she says went public with her story to raise awareness of BIID and encourage those with BIID or suspecting that they have BIID, to seek professional help.

I immediately wanted to learn more about BIID. Thank God for the Internet!

I shared this strange topic with my friend Justin. He searched it as well and came up with this case:

David was desperate to remove his leg. He tried every method to amputate it himself. Finally, feeling helpless and feeling like there was nowhere else to turn, he called his best friend. His best friend was empathetic, telling David, ‘” … there was something in my eyes the whole time I was growing up … it looked like I had pain in my eyes, like there was something I wasn’t telling him.'”

According to this article, the first modern account of BIID came to light in 1977. A paper was published on “apotemnophilia,” or the desire to be an amputee.

And more stories and articles have been published since then. The following list contains a mix of scholarly articles, feature pieces, and resources.

Even though BIID is a relatively new condition, a lot of literature is out there. Many people have told their story. It is bizarre and strange, don’t get me wrong, but I have started to have a better understanding of this condition and this disorder. I have learned a lot by researching this topic for this post.

In first reading about Jewel, the North Carolina woman who wanted to be blind for over 20 years, she encouraged those suffering to seek professional help. That I definitely agree with.

These days, the stigma of “seeing a shrink” or seeing a therapist, etc., is slowly going away. I myself see a counselor on a regular basis. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) earlier this year. I wasn’t ashamed – In reality, I was relieved. I knew that I had been suffering, and I knew it was more than stress. Yes, I have a “label,” but I’m happy that I know what is wrong and how I can help myself. I’m also learning more about myself – My triggers, how to disconnect to calm myself down, how to make my “episodes” shorter and shorter, and so on. I’m very grateful that I’m not on medication to treat GAD, but I realize there are people who depend on medication every day to treat their conditions and disorders, and that’s definitely okay too. I’ve found myself to be a researcher and a reader on GAD, educating myself.

Back to Jewel – I’m happy that she wants to work with other blind people. She’s using her disorder to reach out to others and help them. I think that’s a wonderful thing. Her story is certainly strange, but I want to see her reach that goal. I hope the media does some sort of follow-up story in the future – I want to see her make good on her encouragement.

On the other hand, Jewel has received criticism as well. Those who advocate for the disabled and the blind have spoken out, saying that Jewel’s desire to become blind is like a slap in the face to those who were born blind or became blind from accidents or illnesses.

I understand that. I can understand that those who have desired to become amputees have also likely received criticism from people who work with amputees, and those who have lost limbs at or before birth, in accidents, from illnesses, from war, and so on.

What do you think? Did you know about BIID before reading this post?

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

09.03.15
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Commentary #10: “American Gun Control Rant”

Disclaimer: This post contains strong language.

Thanks to my friends Justin and Steph, I watched this video earlier this week:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Rgfbs22Ssk

After watching it, I shared it on Facebook. My tagline with the post read:

“Take eight minutes out of your day and watch this. It’s almost embarrassing that the British get this and know it better.”

“The Last Leg”

Steph, who is British, was the one who originally posted the video. Her tagline was:

“To my American friends … surely this makes sense???”

—

The show, called “The Last Leg,” airs every Friday live. They have a popular YouTube channel as well.

According to Steph, the show started a few years ago, focusing on the Paralympics. Adam Hill, the guy ranting, is an Australian comedian with one leg. Alex Brooker, sitting on the right side of the sofa, also has a missing leg. Josh Widdicombe is another comedian, who happens to hail from an area close to where Steph is from.

She loves the show and highly recommends it. They also do other topics. Example – They mock ISIS in a weekly feature called the “Ghadi Spot.” They always mention someone who’s been a dick. They also did a bit with Greece on their economy through Jeremy Kyle, sort of like Jerry Springer, which Steph thought was “brilliant.”

She posted links to the Greece situation sketch, and another titled “Following Donald Trump With A Tuba.”

Key Points

Watching the “American Gun Control Rant,” several key points stuck out to me:

  • “Between 1966 and 2012, the U.S.A., which has 5 percent of the world’s population, has had 31 percent of the world’s mass public shootings.”
  • “The United States of Ammunition … Turns Out Guns Do Kill People”
  • “You can’t change the Constitution … If only there was some way of amending the Constitution … I don’t know, some kind of amendment … Like the 33 amendments that have been made … Even the right to bear arms is an amendment …”
  • (Discussing the fact that the shooter of the Virginia reporter and cameraman filmed and uploaded the shooting) ” … Do you go for the sensational angle, or the tasteful one?”
  • There are no age restrictions on news websites. One of the guys gave an example if that you were 11-years-old, you could go on a news website and automatically watch the footage of the man shooting the reporter and cameraman, but that same 11-year-old can’t buy a ticket to a PG-13 movie like Pitch Perfect 2. Then the guy added, “which is a shame, because it was a delightful movie …”
  • Journalism is actually contributing to the problem.
  • Adam amended the national anthem on our behalf, which was painful to hear, yet hilarious at the same time!

The entire video was a good laugh. They are a funny group, for sure. However, they also gave me a healthy dose of reality.

Comments

On Steph’s post, Justin wrote, almost immediately:

“When our recent President got elected, every fucking paranoid asshole got scared he would take their guns and gun sales shot through the roof, no pun intended. America is a paranoid nation and our major news media only makes it worse, specifically Fox News. This makes total sense Steph. People are always scared of a bad man with a gun coming to get them and that the way to stop them is with a gun. Yeah except a gunman won’t be all ‘I’m going to come here at this time and kill people. You have 10 seconds to prep for it.’ He just will show unexpectedly and kill people. Sure people carrying can kill him back but the fact is I don’t want my Saturday at the mall ruined by some nut who decided to shoot the place up. Even if he fired off 1 bullet and then got killed, it still makes it a terrifying experience that could have been avoided. I say keep the guns for the military and law enforcement. Civilians shouldn’t have them, or at least they can with strict ass laws but I’m doubtful of that. What is it like in Britain over there? I heard your country really cracked down on them. Now yes crime will always find a way, but laws can make it a bit easier to sleep at night without worrying of a gunshot in the dark. And about the TV reporters who got shot, there are conspiracy people already saying it’s a hoax to de-arm America. I am not shitting you.”

—

To me, Justin hit the nail on the head. We are paranoid, and the media just stirs the pot. I majored in Communication Studies with a concentration in Mass Media in college. I’m glad I did, because I am far more suspicious of any media now. To quote Professor Halliday, I always have my bullshit meter out and aimed.

Britain vs. The U.S.

According to Steph, apparently only one specific section of the police carry arms. In general, though, “coppers” don’t carry guns, but they do have tasers, although that issue was debated heavily. Gun crimes do happen in Britain, just not nearly as often. It’s also a crime to “use/carry imitation guns.” Apparently, in Britain, the biggest issue is knife crimes.

Steph wrote:

” … Like you Justin I think it should be the right for military or police to carry weapons. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a teacher in the US having to lock down because some nutter has decided to go on a killing spree.”

Steph’s reply made me think of this: Teacher credited with calming West Virginia teen hostage taker

Treating Guns Like Cars

I also jumped in, writing:

“This was amazing, Steph. Thanks for sharing with Justin, who shared it with me. I have shot several types of guns in the past, and I have learned about gun safety and how to handle a weapon properly. I agree with Justin – Guns belong with the military and law enforcement. If you want a gun, you should have to go through a process like you would to drive a car. I saw that comparison online today. So many people stand behind ‘the right to bear arms.’ I’m all for patriotism, but I’m definitely not okay with the amount of violence that guns are used for. I live the Hampton Roads area, and it makes me sick to see a new shooting on the news almost every single night.”

This is the comparison I was referencing:

I thought this idea was brilliant.

I personally don’t think that this will ever happen in the U.S., due to the National Rifle Association and people standing by the Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution …

HOWEVER, it’s certainly nice to think about.

Imagine a world …

Self-Defense

The comments briefly shifted to self-defense with a comment that Steph made. I brought up the Trayvon Martin case that came out of Florida in 2012.

But, that’s a whole other conversation, with “stand your ground” laws, and self-defense in general.

Desensitized

Steph wrote:

“Do you think your country is becoming desensitised (sic) with the regularity of shootings? It’s awful and a wonder that there has been no stop to it. I would feel shit scared to fall asleep at night. Could start cycle of am scared so have gun to protect myself from someone with a gun?

—

Justin and I both agreed, immediately.

—

I wrote:

“Oh absolutely. I fully believe we are desensitized. As they said in the post we have had so many mass shootings since Columbine in 1999. I know people who have guns for protection. And I’ve heard of cases where people have guns for “protection,” and then either they get killed or someone in their family gets killed because one of their young children gets a hold of and it’s loaded.”

—

Steph replied:

“Sheer madness!”

—

Justin wrote:

“YES!!! We totally are desensitized with it. You live your whole life in a nation that shoots people every day and you will start to see it, sadly, as a part of every day life. I hear you on the knife crimes. I have a friend who was in Britain and was mugged by a guy with one. Scary thought. The case about the Uzi was something I remember. There was no fucking reason that girl should have been using it or trying to fire it. That gun kicks like a horse and without a good tight grip it would have gone everywhere. Sadly she didn’t have that and now that man is dead. I love this video that you shared Steph, just a bit disappointed as well, that people from other countries look at us and go ‘Wow you guys really need to get your shit together.'”

The Uzi case we referenced: Child firing Uzi at Arizona shooting range accidentally kills instructor 

Celebrating Zero Deaths

Justin also recalled the day that New York City celebrated no violent crime for 24 hours.

It was Monday, November 26, 2012.

Ironically, the only credible source that I could find with a link to this story was the BBC …

Either way, that article also referenced a graph of global murder rates (per 100,000). The U.S., based on a 2011 study, ranked 8th out of 11 measured global areas. New York was slightly higher than the overall U.S. murder rate. However, at the time of the study, Caracas, Guatemala City, San Salvador, Port-au-Prince, Bogotá, and Sao Paulo were all higher than New York and the U.S. Beneath the U.S. were the cities of Moscow, Paris, and London.

Mental Illness

Then Will chimed in, writing:

” … The main problem that needs to be looked at is mental illness. That’s the root of the problem. Sure, guns end up in the wrong hands of people. Maybe it is too easy. And I think Justin already pointed out that even with gun control, bad people can still get guns. Or use a knife. Or use a bomb. But that’s just it. Gun control is not going to eliminate guns from bad people’s hands. Only law-abiding citizens are going to abide by the law! You don’t take care of a wart by picking at it. You get to the root of the problem. I’m not saying that’s an easy solution but it’s something our govt (sic) needs to address. Unfortunately we stand to make more money on pharmaceuticals. And of course, Hitler, Stalin, Mao forced people to turn over their guns in our past. Millions upon millions killed. Not saying that’s going to happen again but as they say, if you don’t know your history you’re doomed to repeat it.

And I understand liberals hate Fox news, and I’m not saying they’re perfect (I don’t even bother with the news on tv) but let’s not pretend MSNBC, CNN, etc aren’t just as bad if not worse. And though I was hoping to find credible numbers to back this up Fox News has had better ratings than MSNBC, CNN, etc. You can dice that any way you want. Personally they’re all bad as the other.”

—

Justin replied:

” … As far as mental illness is concerned, yeah that’s a huge issue too. The biggest one to date. Mentally insane people are dangerous enough, when they get a hold of dangerous things it makes things worse. But people in this country are way too inclined to throw them in jail or shoot them instead of addressing their illness and getting them the help they deserve. It’s an underfunded thing, and it needs to change.”

Recap – My Thoughts, Overall

  • “The Last Leg” — Thanks to Steph and Justin, I’m hooked. I look forward to watching previous episodes and enjoying newer ones. I have a greater appreciation for British humor and comedy, although this video in particular was a bit painful to watch, because everything these guys said was absolutely fucking true. Get your shit together, America!
  • Comments — It was fascinating to see the long string of comments on Steph’s post. I re-read them all to write this piece. I’m happy that a conversation, albeit small, was started on Facebook. I hope this blog post inspires more conversation. The news media has put a terrible spin on guns, gun control, and mental illness – All of them are guilty. It’s time for real conversations between the people who live in this country.
  • Britain vs. The U.S. — It’s fucking embarrassing that the U.S., once again, is behind our countries, on yet another key issue. Again, get your shit together, America!
  • Treating Guns Like Cars — This concept, to me, is fucking brilliant. We all have specific rules to follow in order to drive cars, motorcycles, boats, 18-wheelers, and other vehicles. Why can’t similar rules be applied to guns?! It makes so much damn sense. Granted, in my comments, I stated that guns should be left to the military and law enforcement. I stand by that statement. However, I think that if a non-military, non-law enforcement citizen wants to own a gun, then there should be crystal clear, upheld rules that must be followed to get one and to keep one. Across the board, federal rules. No fucking exceptions!
  • Self-Defense — This is still murky, and the Trayvon Martin case blew self-defense and “stand your ground” laws out of the shadows and into the international spotlight three years ago. This issue needs to be universal across the entire U.S. This is something that the Supreme Court should decide, not be left up to the states.
  • Desensitized — Like the comments above, this is because of the ridiculous amount of media coverage. My local news stations almost always lead their broadcasts, day in and day out, with the latest shooting or the latest death by gunshot wound. I hate it, I fucking hate it. I barely pay any attention while on the treadmill at the gym at 5:30 in the morning, and I ONLY seek out the online stories if the locations are close to me or my family. It makes me sick. It’s a fucking ratings game, that’s all it is. Hence why I studied Mass Media, but decided to not go into reporting or broadcasting.
  • Celebrating Zero Deaths — This was certainly intriguing when the story broke. However, it’s actually very sad. It only lasted one day, in one major city in the U.S. All around the country, there are countless shootings in so many cities, large and small, every single day. Sure, the major cities get covered. And more recently, we’ve learned about the losses of police officers, TV reporters, state troopers, college students, and children.
  • Mental Illness — Like the comments above, this is a HUGE issue. And it’s a damn shame that it’s an issue, because it simply shouldn’t be. However, there are so many pieces that need to be fixed. Example: There have been several reports, in Hampton Roads and in the state of Virginia, where no beds were available at mental health facilities for those in need, in times of true crisis (Virginia Senator Creigh Deeds’ son, Gus, in November 2013; and in Portsmouth, Jamycheal Mitchell, in August 2015). In the last fourteen years, I have known four people who have died by suicide, and at least two of those died due to self-inflicted gunshot wounds. The stigma needs to end. These people are simply crying out for help. They deserve that help. They deserve the very best facilities and the very best people and the very best care to help them get better.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

08.15.15
by

Hot Topic #10: One Woman’s Horrifying Ordeal – This Is Definitely Not Okay

Image Credit: framingham.digication.com

Image Credit: framingham.digication.com

Disclaimer: This post contains strong language and graphic descriptions of human anatomy.

My friend Justin told me about this story earlier this week. He couldn’t believe it, and neither could I. It makes me sick, but I want to bring awareness to this. I’m certain that this isn’t the first time something like this has happened.

Buckle up your fucking seat belts, people. This is one bat-shit crazy story.

Here’s the scenario:

You’re a young woman, driving to the store one night to get medicine for your sick mother. You get pulled over by a local sheriff’s deputy, for allegedly running a stop sign. The male officer says he smells marijuana. You’re handcuffed, placed in the officer’s patrol car, and the officer searches your car.

Then, the situation escalates to where a female officer is called to the scene, called in to perform a body cavity search.

That means the female officer was called to search your vagina for the suspected weed.

Yes, you read that correctly.

Would you believe me if I told you that scenario actually happened?

In the end, after being handcuffed and forced to drop your pants IN PUBLIC for said digital search of your vagina, the officers found just 0.02 ounces of marijuana.

Don’t believe me?

The woman’s name is Charnesia Corley. She’s 21-years-old.

Let’s clarify one thing first: There have been conflicting reports / quotes regarding the type of search that Corley endured. Some have said strip search. Many have said body cavity search.

A body cavity search is either a visual search or a manual internal inspection of body cavities such as for prohibited material (contraband), such as illegal drugs, money, jewelry, or weapons.

Body cavities include the nostrils, ears, mouth, navel, penis or vagina, and rectum.

This is far more invasive than the standard strip search, which “is typically performed on individuals taken into custody, either upon police arrest or incarceration at a jail, prison, or psychiatric hospital.”

Back to Corley now. This woman has been speaking her mind since the incident on June 21st, and rightfully so.

The deputies claim she resisted when the female officer told Corley to pull her pants down. Corley responded to the female deputy that she did not have any underwear on. The deputy replied that didn’t matter, pulled Corley’s pants down for her, and told her to bend over. As the deputy stuck her fingers in Corley’s vagina, Corley attempted to stand upright, claiming that the deputy could not do this. The deputy’s response to that, according to Corley, was that “she [the deputy] could do what she wanted because it was a narcotics search.”

At the end of all of this insanity, Corley was charged with resisting arrest and possession of marijuana.

Hold the phone, stop right there.

First of all, this search was conducted in a gas station parking lot, around 10:30 p.m. on the night of June 21st. I understand the searching of the car; that’s normal, standard procedure. Law enforcement is allowed to conduct this, so long as the driver of the vehicle gives consent to do so.

Calling for backup is also standard procedure. Calling for a female deputy is also standard, when a search of a female suspect is needed.

HOWEVER – Conducting a body cavity search, in public, for anyone to see?! That’s breaking the fucking law. How ironic.

Many of the links I’ve provided have quotes from Corley’s attorney and others:

“… Unconstitutional …”

“… Blatant violation of the Fourth Amendment …”

“… A clear violation of common protocol for the Harris County Sheriff’s Office …”

The search was conducted “without a warrant …”

You’re damn right.

The Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution states:

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects,[a] against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.[2]

Corley was a victim of unreasonable search and seizure, plain and simple!

Here was one kicker for me:

“To perform a cavity search, deputies should arrest a suspect and take them to an HSCO substation,” the Houston Chronicle noted. “Headquarters downtown even boasts a microwave scanner that can perform the task without intrusion.”

WHAT THE HELL?

This poor woman. Yes, she was arrested. However, she wasn’t transported to a substation. She was clearly, in my mind, assaulted by these deputies.

To me, none of these three deputies for the Harris County Sheriff’s Office gave a fucking shit about this woman. They blatantly ignored her constitutional rights and publicly humiliated her! They should have stopped the search IMMEDIATELY when Corley protested, saying, “Ma’am, you cannot do this.”

Corley is 21. I can tell, from afar, that she has been traumatized by this horrific ordeal.

However, I’m glad she’s said something. She’s been interviewed multiple times by numerous sources. CNN picked it up on Thursday, so it’s gone international now.

And you know what? That’s a good thing. This should be international news.

Multiple lawsuits have been filed. The ACLU is involved.

I hope, for the love of God, that these deputies get fired. I hope that policies and procedures are reviewed, scrutinized, and CHANGED. They need to be reinforced – Drilled into every deputy’s head.

No wonder citizens are having trouble trusting those in law enforcement.

I hope this story doesn’t fade away. I truly hope Corley gets the justice she deserves.

I hope, once all the legal matters are sorted out, that the media covers it again. I hope it goes international again, honestly.

She’s made her voice heard, and now it’s time for her to be supported. It’s beyond time for change.

What do you think? I’d love to hear your comments.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

07.25.15
by

Commentary #9: “15 Women Who Would Like To Remind Everyone That Cosplay Is Not Consent”

This all started with a Buzzfeed article titled “15 Women Who Would Like To Remind Everyone That Cosplay Is Not Consent.”

When Al and I were preparing for Tidewater Comicon in May, I remember asking Al one specific question:

“Do you think I should wear my black leggings with my Ghostbusters costume?”

Tidewater Comicon, May 2015.

Tidewater Comicon, May 2015.

Image Credit: Al Vardaro

Image Credit: Al Vardaro

You see, the reason I asked Al that question is because the Ghostbusters costume I have is “sexy.”

The costume dress is low-cut and the hem stops around my knees.

In answering my question, Al said that I should wear the leggings, to be safe.

When I first read the Buzzfeed article, I was horrified. I’m glad I was sitting down, otherwise I would have fallen down. These women had hear and experience terrible, unwarranted, blatant harassment from men, all at San Diego Comic Con. I felt disgusted. I felt violated for them.

It made me think back to Tidewater CC in May. I’m glad I wore the black leggings. I’m glad Al was with me the entire weekend.

More so, I’m glad that my first cosplay/comicon experience was a positive one.

I recall everyone who wanted to take a picture of me – And there were a few, it was so flattering – ASKED me first. That’s key. I never mind, and I always tried to thank the person for asking. It’s so important.

I put out a call on Facebook for pictures and stories and opinions on this issue. I received several responses! I’ll start with Kristi, one of my friends since childhood:

Bento - Katsucon 2014 Image Credit: Kristi Rae Britt

Bento – Katsucon 2014
Image Credit: Kristi Rae Britt

Pinkie Pie - Animazement 2012 Image Credit: Kristi Rae Britt

Pinkie Pie – Animazement 2012
Image Credit: Kristi Rae Britt

Pinkie Pie - Nekocon 2013 Image Credit: Kristi Rae Britt

Pinkie Pie – Nekocon 2013
Image Credit: Kristi Rae Britt

Vanellope - Possibly Otakon 2014 Image Credit: Kristi Rae Britt

Vanellope – Possibly Otakon 2014
Image Credit: Kristi Rae Britt

Kristi had this to say about cosplay:

“As for the topic, cosplay is an art form that can be enjoyed in many ways. Some people like to create exact replicas of costumes, some more inspiration-based. For me, I like to take characters and really mold them to fit my body type. I like to be creative in what I create and still have the essence of that character visible. Cosplay is for everyone, though there have been times I had to step away because of ridicule. I’ve always struggled with my weight and there were some who flat out told me I had no business dressing up because I was fat and unattractive. Even though I consider myself strong, those comments will cut into someone’s soul and even an art form they once loved would get tossed by the wayside. However, I still dabble from time to time and get a rush from creating something amazing.”

And her thoughts on consent:

“Being part of cosplay since my high school days, I have witnessed much at conventions especially through the years. People will snap a shot without permission and though some would consider that an innocent act it can turn into a hellfire. I’ve seen people appear on slander sites, their picture passed around with horrible strands of ridicule thrown about targeted at them. I’ve seen photos become a tool for sexual harassment and worse. And it’s not just photographs you have to worry about.

There were times where people would touch me and my friends inappropriately without consent and even with a push to tell others about the violations, it would be played off as just something that happens at conventions. From recent conventions I’ve gone to, the community seems to better handle such cases but all-in-all I don’t think we are where we need to be. I don’t care if they are in an outfit showing off a lot of skin. I don’t care if they are fully clothed. Man or woman, I do not care. Consent, in a convention setting and a setting in the world beyond, is key. If you have no consent, don’t do it. Don’t keep pressing buttons, don’t try and sneak it in later, just don’t do it. It only takes one time for someone to toss away something they love for fear of what could happen. Just be accepting, have some respect for everyone, and let’s all be geeks and nerds together without fear.”

Knowing Kristi for many years, reading that she has been harassed because of her struggles with weight made me fucking pissed. I get angry when people around me make snide, unwarranted comments about people who are heavy. I have several friends who continue to struggle with their weight, and it hurts me deeply. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Our friend Justin has been to many conventions in the last several years, his favorite being Katsucon.

Ellis from Left 4 Dead 2 Image Credit: Justin Hunter Clatterbuck

Ellis from Left 4 Dead 2 (right).
Image Credit: Justin Hunter Clatterbuck

Hunter from Left 4 Dead 2, with L4D2 Boomer cosplayer. This was Justin's first-ever cosplay. Image Credit: Justin Hunter Clatterbuck

Hunter from Left 4 Dead 2 (left), with L4D2 Boomer cosplayer.
This was Justin’s first-ever cosplay.
Image Credit: Justin Hunter Clatterbuck

Maliwan Vault Hunter from Borderlands 2, Katsucon 2015. Image Credit: Justin Hunter Clatterbuck

Maliwan Vault Hunter from Borderlands 2, Katsucon 2015.
Image Credit: Justin Hunter Clatterbuck

His thoughts on cosplay and consent:

“Cosplay is something that should be enjoyed by everyone, and there are people who ruin that by trying to get their pics in when they are not allowed. Apparently no one told them ‘no’ or they don’t think it applies to them. I can’t stand people who try to sneak a pic in of a cosplayer, especially their crotch, chest, or butt, without their consent just because they want it. It’s rude, disrespectful, and just wrong. Cosplayers don’t mind if you want a picture. Just ask and be polite. Hell I’ve had people take many pics of me and they were all polite and asked me first. I try to extend the courtesy to them as well. No one wants to see their friend/spouse/girlfriend or boyfriend get harassed and then lose all spirit in cosplaying. It affects more than just that person, it can affect a group of others. When one person gets harassed, their friends may not want to come back to the convention either. We all have each others back, and people need to learn that. It’s 2015, you are all human beings, act civil, dammit.” 

Justin recently told me the story of what happened at Katsucon 2013. The convention center was hosting two conventions that weekend – Katsucon, and a religious leadership convention for young adults.

The kids attending the leadership convention were in absolute awe of Katsucon and all the activity, especially everyone in cosplay.

However, the adults were far less kind. These adults, put there that weekend to guide and lead these kids in the ways of their religion and better themselves, unfortunately started behaving badly. The adults violated multiple people of their privacy and made astounding comments to the cosplayers, many times in front of the children they were leading. Justin was horrified. When he told me, being a Christian woman, I was astounded.

“If you don’t wanna be stared at, stop dressing the way you do at conventions.”

That’s a quote that’s been seen many times, at different conventions.

Justin said, with complete sarcasm, “You know, it’s totally your fault that guys will come up and snap pics of your boobs and ass without your consent.”

FUCK NO!

Unfortunately, no matter how shitty that statement is true, some do think it’s true.

Here’s some other articles that are publicizing this fight:

All of these articles were either published in 2013 or 2014. This has been a problem for a long time, and I, for one, am very happy to see this fight.

Harassment is ILLEGAL.

Moreover, it’s WRONG.

Despite this negativity, I’m holding my head high. I loved going to Tidewater in May. I cannot wait for the next one. I plan to cosplay as Stargirl (Courtney Whitmore) next year.

I’m happy people are standing up and trying to fight harassment. Unfortunately, people will continue to say their thoughts and opinions, without a filter, and usually without using their brain.

However, I’m a geek and a nerd. I love conventions. I love cosplay. And no brainless, spineless comment will deter me.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

07.23.15
by

Getting Personal #14: Words

Image Credit: thedeconstruction.org

Image Credit: thedeconstruction.org

I’m on the team that runs the computer booth at my church. On Sundays, we run the computers and projectors, putting the order of worship, the scriptures, and the songs and hymns on a screen and the walls, big and bright and huge.

We have two services: an 8:30 service that is more modern and contemporary, and an 11:00 service which is more traditional.

I grew up going to Sunday School and the 11:00 service.

As a young adult, however, I feel more of a connection with the 8:30 service, especially the music.

On a recent Sunday when I was in the booth, the worship band at 8:30 played this one song, titled “Words” from the band Hawk Nelson.

Here’s an excerpt of the lyrics:

They’ve made me feel like a prisoner
They’ve made me feel set free
They’ve made me feel like a criminal
Made me feel like a king

They’ve lifted my heart
To places I’d never been
And they’ve dragged me down
Back to where I began

Words can build you up
Words can break you down
Start a fire in your heart or
Put it out

Let my words be life
Let my words be truth
I don’t wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You

You can heal the heartache
Speak over the fear
(Speak over the fear)
God, Your voice is the only thing
We need to hear
(We need to hear)

…

Let the words I say
(Let the words I say)
Be the sound of Your grace
(Sound like Your grace)
I don’t wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You

I wanna speak Your love
Not just another noise
Oh, I wanna be Your light
I wanna be Your voice

…

I don’t wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You

I realize the intended message is for us to speak God’s word, be his voice, etc.

For me, though, it’s more than that.

This song is empowering. It shows me that we should be a voice, not just for God, but for ourselves, for those around us. We shouldn’t be afraid to use the voice that God gave us!

Words are incredibly powerful.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names/words will never harm me.”

WRONG!

As someone who was taunted and teased, particularly in elementary school, words can and do hurt.

Why do you think we have such a fucking terrible epidemic of bullying and bullying-related suicides?

I know the old saying is “Actions speak louder than words.”

Normally, typically, that is the case.

However, words are also significant.

What you say, sometimes, can make more of a difference.

I’m gonna put my foot in my mouth for a second. Remember, earlier, I said, “We shouldn’t be afraid to use the voice that God gave us!”

Well, that was me. For the longest time, in college especially, I felt afraid to use my voice. I was afraid to speak up and make myself known, particularly to John, who was exerting powerful control over me with his own words and actions.

I was afraid that I wouldn’t be heard, wouldn’t have listeners.

But, I think it goes back farther than college. I was raised to be respectful, to let others speak (a.k.a., “Laura Beth, be quiet so that someone else can have a turn to speak…” I can hear my mother’s voice constantly.)

Because of that, I felt embarrassed. I remember turning red on many occasions when Mom (and sometimes Dad) brought that up. Yes, I know I’m a Chatty Cathy. But using my voice was (is) a way to express myself.

I realize now that, even though my parents said that I could always come and talk to them, about anything, at any time, I didn’t do it a lot. Unless I was desperate or had a problem or was in trouble (and even then, it was absolutely terrifying to open my mouth and say something), I didn’t always feel comfortable talking to them.

I don’t want to raise my future children that way. Words are powerful, and they need to be expressed, and they need to be heard.

To me, the written word is just as powerful, if not more so, than the spoken word.

Because of a lot of encouragement and support, I’m blogging a lot more, more than I ever have. And I fucking love it. I get a bit of a rush, a bit of a high, whenever I get an idea – Whether it be something for a blog post, or a story idea, or maybe something that I could mold into a novel.

Journaling is also helping me with my journey through counseling and anxiety. It’s a release. I like to talk things out, but writing things down also helps, so much.

As I reflect on right now, on this Thursday, preparing for the end of this work week and for an amazing weekend getaway (More on that next week!), I’m so happy that I discovered a love for words at a very early age.

I still have the blue binder, covered in random stickers, that contains the short stories that I wrote from fifth grade up through high school. I want to eventually re-visit those and expand them, as I want to do with my fiction pieces from my college workshop and more current NaNoWriMo novels, but for now, I really enjoy re-reading them, and reflecting on how I got those ideas. How I spent hours at my desk, in the car, and even on the school bus, writing until either my left hand cramped up from holding the pen or I literally ran out of paper.

I’ll keep writing. I’ll keep blogging. I’ll keep journaling.

But, most of all, I’ll keep on keeping on, knowing that I have a powerful voice that should be heard.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂