Today marks fifteen years since Al and I went on our first date!
I remember being so nervous that I changed my clothes four times before Al came to my parents’ house. Yes, my parents still have the same house!
The most amazing thing is that I wanted to find an exact replica of the top I wore on September 4, 2010, only in a larger size. I still have the old one, in my closet, but it definitely does not fit anymore.
Desperate, I turned to Facebook. So many of my friends reached out and offered help! Finally, I downloaded the Depop app, which is one of the only places on the Internet and apps where I hadn’t looked. Miracle of miracles, someone was selling the exact top, in my size! I snatched it up for $10.00. It has a tiny hole in it, but I could care less. It arrived last week. I’m so excited to wear it tomorrow when we go out to celebrate. We are going to a great restaurant called Becca at the Cavalier Hotel in Virginia Beach, which isn’t too far away from Catch 31, where we had dinner that amazing night in September 2010.
Here are fifteen photos that are special to me.
September 6, 2010December 2014: Bauer Compressors Holiday PartyNovember 14, 2015December 2019: Bauer Compressors Holiday PartyMay 2022: P.E.O. Virginia State Convention Banquet, Portsmouth, VirginiaApril 2023: My cousin Ryan came to visit. He was in Chesapeake for a week for training with the Coast Guard.September 21, 2023: Michaela and Kyle’s wedding in Norfolk, VA. We didn’t know at the time that this would be one of last events we would attend before I had Addy!January 2025: Al’s surprise 40th birthday celebration!
Today, July 17, 2025, marks the 15-year anniversary that I was able to safely escape from my abusive ex-boyfriend, John. I’m grateful for all the support that I received back then and now. It’s hard to believe it’s been 15 years.
When I wrote the ten-year anniversary post in July 2020, we were just over four months into the global pandemic. It doesn’t feel like that was five years ago, it feels longer!
While I haven’t re-read Tornado Warning: A Memoir of Teen Dating Violenceand its Effects on a Woman’s Life or If I Am Missing or Dead: A Sister’s Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation recently, I think about both those books often.
I continue to educate myself about red flags, coercive control, financial abuse, gaslighting, and love bombing, among other things. I’m grateful to everyone who has listened to me share my experiences, or read my posts about this on the blog. My goal is to help people and educate themselves.
The other thing that I am very proud of is that I published my first novel on Amazon on February 21, 2023. I took pieces of my own experiences, created a compelling story that started all the way back with one question in November 2012, and now it’s out for the world to read. I appreciate everyone who has read it thus far, both in the U.S. and internationally. I have plans for more books, including a sequel to this one, which I’m hoping to publish in the next couple of years.
John was always critical of was my writing and my voice, so I am exceptionally proud of myself for reclaiming both and turning it into something amazing. You can’t shut me up.
Janine Latus continues to impress me and inspire me with her continued advocacy around the world. She recently gave an interview to the podcast Cardinal Crimes. I highly recommend that everyone watch the YouTube video where she is featured, I’ve linked it down below. It reminded me how grateful I am that I was able to leave safely. Not all women, or men, are as fortunate.
Domestic violence continues to be a major problem, particularly in the U.S. – It feels like every other day, there’s a new news report about a domestic disturbance that unfortunately escalated into something worse.
Here locally, several months ago, a woman who was five weeks pregnant with her third child was shot and killed by her ex-boyfriend. The house is down the street from my chiropractor’s office, which is only 10 minutes from my own house. They have two other children, and both were in the house when the tragedy occurred. These young children will have to live with that for the rest of their lives, compounded by the fact that their mother is dead, along with their unborn sibling, and their father is in prison for his actions. I’m glad the father was arrested quickly and is being held accountable. I was honestly afraid he was going to take the coward’s way out, either through suicide or suicide by cop. I hope the children are getting counseling and other support.
In the last 15 years, I have been fortunate to be embraced by Al. We met quite unexpectedly, and I wasn’t prepared to have a new friendship turn into love so quickly. I certainly didn’t expect to become friends with him in August 2010. Our first date was September 4, 2010. But I truly believe that we were meant to be together.
Now, we have Addy. We are so blessed that she is here and healthy. For someone who didn’t have high hopes of successfully conceiving and having a child or children given my family history (Grandma had seven miscarriages and my uncle and mom were both premature, then my mom had three miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy, then surgery to correct her deviated uterus, then my birth at 25 weeks), it was amazing that my pregnancy was relatively smooth with the exception of my blood pressure and those complications that led to Addy being born six weeks early.
She’s growing like a weed. I can’t believe she will be two (2) in October. I see a lot of me in her. I hope her feistiness will serve her well as she grows up. I know I can’t shelter her forever, nor do I want to. I want to instill the lessons that I have learned, particularly the ones I’ve learned the hard way, long before she finds herself in a sticky or dangerous situation. I want to be the best mom that I can be.
I want to do things differently than my mom did with me (Not saying that my mom wasn’t wonderful, she is!) But times have changed so much, and I have so many more tools now at my disposal, along with my experiences, to help Addy.
I’m spending today reflecting on how I got here, and where I’m headed. I have many more blog posts to write, more novels to publish, and I want to become a stronger advocate for survivors. If my story can help just one person, I will be satisfied.
Thank you for reading. I appreciate all of you, my readers, through this continued blogging journey.
I’m also exceptional grateful to Al, who took a chance on me almost 15 years ago. We are celebrating 10 years of marriage in November. My heart is full.
In my local community, we have our fair share of fascinating and interesting cases that emerge from our seven cities. Today, I want to talk about “deferred judgement” and how it applies to a man who has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
In September 2023, our local news stations reported that a 20-year-old man had been arrested for allegedly giving a 7-year-old girl an Apple AirTag hidden in a pack of stickers while he was working his cashier job at a Virginia Beach grocery store. The girl’s mother discovered the AirTag and threw it away before they went home. This incident occurred in mid-July 2023.
The man was fired from his job, and then there wasn’t a lot of other news until the end of March.
He pleaded guilty. The judge reviewed all the facts and decided to defer judgement until June 2024. The judge was able to do this because of a Virginia law that was passed in 2020.
SB133 “allows a court to defer and dismiss a criminal case where the defendant has been diagnosed with autism or an intellectual disability and the court finds by clear and convincing evidence that the criminal conduct was caused by or had a direct and substantial relationship to the person’s disorder or disability.”
Prior to 2020, the only similar remedy was for the defendant to plead insanity.
It turns out the woman in the grocery store wasn’t this man’s only victim. He had accidentally violated a restraining order that was taken out against him. He spent 12 hours in the Newport News City Jail. The victim in that case was a student at Christopher Newport University (CNU).
Both victims in court disagreed with the motion for a deferred judgement.
The defendant was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder in 2023. He’s been in weekly counseling sessions and supposedly made progress in group therapy, admitting that he now recognizes his action were creepy. In addition, “he also acknowledged that he may have caused his victims to have to seek out mental health care — just like he’d had to — and apologized.”
In addition to Autism Spectrum Disorder, a psychosexual evaluation identified impulse control and two sex-related disorders.
The intention for the deferred judgment is to give the defendant time, three months, to continue treatment and attend therapy.
The defendant is slated to appear in court again on June 24, 2024.
Publish at least two Book Reviews. — Accomplished!
Celebrate Valentine’s Day! — Accomplished!
Catalog at least 25 American Girl items in my inventory. — Did not accomplish yet.
Participate in a P.E.O. membership panel. — Accomplished!
Reorganize my office. — Semi-Achieved.
Send donations to Trey’s Dolls. — Did not accomplish yet.
February and March were both a blur and a marathon.
I was able to donate blood for the first time in a year, nearly a year to the day, in early February.
I finally finished formatting “Specialton” on March 29th. This is a huge accomplishment for me. I thought it was going to take me a lot longer. It’s 99 chapters. I sent it to my social media manager and my editor. They are excited, and so am I.
Valentine’s Day was really sweet and special. I love spending as much time with Al as possible.
I’ve made a lot of progress with my office. I finally cleaned off and dusted my desk. I filled a kitchen garbage bag with stuff that needed to be thrown away months ago. I set up my mechanical keyboard that Al got me for Christmas! I have more things to do, but I’m really happy with the cleaning and organizing that I’ve done recently.
I published two Book Reviews! You can read them here:
This is an additional book in Isabel and Nicki’s world. Last year, Isabel and Nicki were the newest historical characters. They both had journals released with their dolls. I was able to get copies of both books. I reviewed both of them consecutively:
It was so great this book was partially a stand-alone, but also references the journals. You don’t have to read the journals in order to understand their world, though, which is great!
I loved following Isabel’s and Nicki’s journeys together. It’s the end of 1999. There are so many pop culture references and nostalgia, especially for someone like me who was so close to their age at the time. I love that American Girl has branched out further into the modern decades, although I certainly cringed when they called 1999 “historical” – Ouch!
I was a mix of Isabel and Nicki as a kid. I loved dressing up and all the bright colors, but I also enjoyed being outside, riding my bike, and roller blading.
I hope American Girl releases more books! I want to see more of Isabel and Nicki after 1999!
Continue incorporating my editor’s suggested edits into a more polished draft of “Specialton.” — Semi-Achieved.
Prepare to market, promote, and publish “Specialton.” — Semi-Achieved.
Publish at least one Book Review. — Did not accomplish yet.
Celebrate Christmas! — Accomplished!
Continue working on my American Girl inventory. — Semi-Achieved.
Schedule regular blog posts. — Did not accomplish yet.
Reconcile my thoughts about NaNoWriMo. — Accomplished!
I decided to push back the release of “Specialton.” I’ve made a lot of progress with the suggested edits and formatting, but I’m not ready to release it yet. Making this decision was tough, but I immediately felt better afterward, which tells me it was good decision.
We had a nice, quiet Christmas. We loved being with our parents and celebrating Addy’s first Christmas.
I’ve decided on the format that I want for my American Girl inventory in Excel. I just need to dive in and execute the plan.
I decided to not participate in NaNoWriMo 2023, mainly because I thought I would be at the last month of my pregnancy and I wanted to make sure I was getting enough rest.
Turns out there was something else going on.
My friend Ren shared the news with me first. I was initially shocked and dismayed. And then I started doing my own research.
Full disclosure: Many things I’m going to discuss are allegations. No names have been brought forward, and I’m not sure they ever will be.
In the beginning, I also couldn’t find a lot of information online about this alleged incident. But as the months have passed, a clearer picture has emerged. I’ve listed my resources below, including information from NaNoWriMo.
Regardless, the research that I have done has solidified one decision: I don’t want to participate with NaNoWriMo going forward. The way the NaNoWriMo staff handled this incident, whether it’s true or not, was atrocious. Good for the people who stepped up and raised red flags and reported the incident(s). NaNoWriMo’s initial response to the entire thing was, in a word, odd, and I can’t tell if that was on purpose or not. I’ve studied some public relations, and I have a bachelor’s degree in Communication Studies Mass Media.
I’m honestly surprised this didn’t make the national news in November, especially because the allegations include a moderator grooming an undisclosed number of minors in the NaNoWriMo forums and Young Writer’s Program.
I fully understand that NaNoWriMo is a nonprofit, and they have a small staff. However, they are so well known among writers and get so much attention throughout the year for their Camp NaNoWriMo and NaNoWriMo sessions, so color me surprised when there wasn’t a lot of information or media coverage.
I think they tried to save face because they screwed up.
The good news, if anything, is that they did acknowledge, eventually, that there were multiple failings with this particular incident. From what I’ve read, they have already made multiple changes to the organization, including staffing. They say they are committed to further changes and are actively learning from this experience. It doesn’t excuse their initial response and handling, however.
Going forward, I won’t be supporting NaNoWriMo. I’ll track my progress on my novels independently.
In a way, this makes me sad. NaNoWriMo had been a big part of my life for the better part of 11 years. But, I’m thankful to Ren for sharing the initial information with me several months ago. It’s taken me this long to reconcile all of my thoughts and feelings about this.
Hot Shot Headlines 
You must be logged in to post a comment.