Today marks fifteen years since Al and I went on our first date!
I remember being so nervous that I changed my clothes four times before Al came to my parents’ house. Yes, my parents still have the same house!
The most amazing thing is that I wanted to find an exact replica of the top I wore on September 4, 2010, only in a larger size. I still have the old one, in my closet, but it definitely does not fit anymore.
Desperate, I turned to Facebook. So many of my friends reached out and offered help! Finally, I downloaded the Depop app, which is one of the only places on the Internet and apps where I hadn’t looked. Miracle of miracles, someone was selling the exact top, in my size! I snatched it up for $10.00. It has a tiny hole in it, but I could care less. It arrived last week. I’m so excited to wear it tomorrow when we go out to celebrate. We are going to a great restaurant called Becca at the Cavalier Hotel in Virginia Beach, which isn’t too far away from Catch 31, where we had dinner that amazing night in September 2010.
Here are fifteen photos that are special to me.
September 6, 2010December 2014: Bauer Compressors Holiday PartyNovember 14, 2015December 2019: Bauer Compressors Holiday PartyMay 2022: P.E.O. Virginia State Convention Banquet, Portsmouth, VirginiaApril 2023: My cousin Ryan came to visit. He was in Chesapeake for a week for training with the Coast Guard.September 21, 2023: Michaela and Kyle’s wedding in Norfolk, VA. We didn’t know at the time that this would be one of last events we would attend before I had Addy!January 2025: Al’s surprise 40th birthday celebration!
Today, July 17, 2025, marks the 15-year anniversary that I was able to safely escape from my abusive ex-boyfriend, John. I’m grateful for all the support that I received back then and now. It’s hard to believe it’s been 15 years.
When I wrote the ten-year anniversary post in July 2020, we were just over four months into the global pandemic. It doesn’t feel like that was five years ago, it feels longer!
While I haven’t re-read Tornado Warning: A Memoir of Teen Dating Violenceand its Effects on a Woman’s Life or If I Am Missing or Dead: A Sister’s Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation recently, I think about both those books often.
I continue to educate myself about red flags, coercive control, financial abuse, gaslighting, and love bombing, among other things. I’m grateful to everyone who has listened to me share my experiences, or read my posts about this on the blog. My goal is to help people and educate themselves.
The other thing that I am very proud of is that I published my first novel on Amazon on February 21, 2023. I took pieces of my own experiences, created a compelling story that started all the way back with one question in November 2012, and now it’s out for the world to read. I appreciate everyone who has read it thus far, both in the U.S. and internationally. I have plans for more books, including a sequel to this one, which I’m hoping to publish in the next couple of years.
John was always critical of was my writing and my voice, so I am exceptionally proud of myself for reclaiming both and turning it into something amazing. You can’t shut me up.
Janine Latus continues to impress me and inspire me with her continued advocacy around the world. She recently gave an interview to the podcast Cardinal Crimes. I highly recommend that everyone watch the YouTube video where she is featured, I’ve linked it down below. It reminded me how grateful I am that I was able to leave safely. Not all women, or men, are as fortunate.
Domestic violence continues to be a major problem, particularly in the U.S. – It feels like every other day, there’s a new news report about a domestic disturbance that unfortunately escalated into something worse.
Here locally, several months ago, a woman who was five weeks pregnant with her third child was shot and killed by her ex-boyfriend. The house is down the street from my chiropractor’s office, which is only 10 minutes from my own house. They have two other children, and both were in the house when the tragedy occurred. These young children will have to live with that for the rest of their lives, compounded by the fact that their mother is dead, along with their unborn sibling, and their father is in prison for his actions. I’m glad the father was arrested quickly and is being held accountable. I was honestly afraid he was going to take the coward’s way out, either through suicide or suicide by cop. I hope the children are getting counseling and other support.
In the last 15 years, I have been fortunate to be embraced by Al. We met quite unexpectedly, and I wasn’t prepared to have a new friendship turn into love so quickly. I certainly didn’t expect to become friends with him in August 2010. Our first date was September 4, 2010. But I truly believe that we were meant to be together.
Now, we have Addy. We are so blessed that she is here and healthy. For someone who didn’t have high hopes of successfully conceiving and having a child or children given my family history (Grandma had seven miscarriages and my uncle and mom were both premature, then my mom had three miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy, then surgery to correct her deviated uterus, then my birth at 25 weeks), it was amazing that my pregnancy was relatively smooth with the exception of my blood pressure and those complications that led to Addy being born six weeks early.
She’s growing like a weed. I can’t believe she will be two (2) in October. I see a lot of me in her. I hope her feistiness will serve her well as she grows up. I know I can’t shelter her forever, nor do I want to. I want to instill the lessons that I have learned, particularly the ones I’ve learned the hard way, long before she finds herself in a sticky or dangerous situation. I want to be the best mom that I can be.
I want to do things differently than my mom did with me (Not saying that my mom wasn’t wonderful, she is!) But times have changed so much, and I have so many more tools now at my disposal, along with my experiences, to help Addy.
I’m spending today reflecting on how I got here, and where I’m headed. I have many more blog posts to write, more novels to publish, and I want to become a stronger advocate for survivors. If my story can help just one person, I will be satisfied.
Thank you for reading. I appreciate all of you, my readers, through this continued blogging journey.
I’m also exceptional grateful to Al, who took a chance on me almost 15 years ago. We are celebrating 10 years of marriage in November. My heart is full.
November 2010: This was a candid shot taken at the Alpha Sigma Tau Anchor Banquet, just a couple months after we started dating. Photo Credit: Tina Bird Stewart.Spring 2011: Al and my parents came to Longwood for the weekend when I received my Citizen Leader Award!Halloween 2011: The love of Star Wars is strong with us.Halloween 2013: We were on a mission from God.July 2015: One of my all-time favorite engagement photos!October 2015: With friends, we did an escape room, played laser tag, ate at Mama J’s and Bottoms Up pizza, and watched movies. This photo was taken in downtown Richmond.November 2015: Standing in front of the floor-to-ceiling stained glass piece.November 2015: I love the black and white. Image Credit: Stellar ExposuresDecember 2019: Al’s company Christmas party!August 2020: My birthday celebration!
Today is the day that I have been strangely anxious about for the last several weeks.
Today – July 17, 2020 – marks ten years since I escaped from my abusive boyfriend, John.
While I haven’t written down the entire book of what happened to me from 2006 through July 17, 2010, I wanted to share pieces of it, and things I’ve learned in these last ten years.
Something that Elin Stebbins Waldal wrote in her memoir, Tornado Warning, will stick with me forever:
“… I know what he can be and is capable of so I almost always feel on guard. It’s hard to just relax and trust him. It’s all so weird.”
The abuse started gradually. It was all mental and emotional abuse. John’s words could cut me like a knife. One text message could spin me out of control into What-If-Land, where I was terrified that I’d said the wrong thing. Eventually, even the words “I love you” didn’t feel safe.
John hit me twice in the week that I broke up with him, that fateful week in mid-July 2010. That was the only true physical abuse I endured. I was lucky to get out when I did.
I feel fortunate that I didn’t suffer as much physical abuse as Elin did, but, to be honest, the emotional and mental abuse was worse. The two hits that John delivered on that Monday and Wednesday simply solidified my beliefs that I was not happy, that this was not right, and that I finally had enough courage to speak up, say something, and leave.
John and I dated from July 1, 2006 through July 17, 2010. The first year, and part of the second year, I thought they were great, although there were red flags that I missed. John swept me off my feet. He romanced me. I thought he truly loved me.
I thought we were okay because we’d successfully dated the entire first year at different high schools. Turns out, he completely changed his college plans to be with me. I knew I was going to Longwood in November 2006. He had been accepted to VCU, which was only 45 minutes away in Richmond. But, he applied to Longwood, got in, and decided to go there to be with me. It sounds romantic, but it was the beginning of the perfect storm.
He started isolating me almost immediately. I remember how upset he was that I got to move in earlier than him, because I was going on a retreat with my Honors College classmates the weekend before the semester started. I could hear the anger and jealousy in his voice during the few phone calls we exchanged before he moved on campus. Each phone call made me feel horrible, like I had done something wrong.
It only got worse from there. I spent nearly every break from college crying to my mom, unloading all my worries, anxieties, fretting, fears, and more. Once I dried my tears, I felt better. I picked myself up, dusted off, and moved along. But, the next break, it happened again, like clockwork.
Abuse manifests itself in so many ugly, horrendous forms.
It took years for me to see the light. Even though EVERYONE around me saw right through it, years before. I finally realized, at some point in 2010, that I was not the same Laura Beth. I wanted to change.
The key with abusive relationships (and friendships) is that YOU have recognize that you’re being abused. No one else can convince you otherwise.
When I read Janine Latus’s book in early 2016, I made these observations in my Book Review:
The constant feeling of walking on eggshells when talking to / being around your partner – You never feel calm / relaxed around them.
Being contacted multiple times by phone / text/ Facebook message, etc. – Always checking in, concerned if I was minutes late to something with him.
Restricting time with friends and family.
Manipulating ideas and thoughts (Example: John put the idea in my head that my own mother was one of the laziest people on this Earth, and he convinced me to tell her that. It was absolutely awful. Mom forgave me, but I still feel terrible about that, all these years later.)
Certain habits become routine / expected – John was always hunting for the new trends, and wanted me to go along with him. He wanted me to wear what he thought looked best. He asked me multiple times to change clothes (phrased as, “You’re wearing that?”), even if I felt great in what I had been wearing.
This book hit me harder than Tornado Warning, which surprised me. I remember reading the end of this book while Al was asleep next to me in bed, and my eyes filled with tears as I closed the book, filled with gratitude that I found and married the man who loves me for who I am and doesn’t want to change me.
I’m glad I read this. It renewed my gratitude that I am a survivor, but also renewed my awareness that women (and men) still suffer from, and die from, abuse every single day.
If nothing else, there are two specific terms that I want you to take away from this post: Love bombing, and gaslighting.
Love bombing: The practice of showering a person with excessive affection and attention in order to gain control or significantly influence their behavior.
Gaslighting: manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.
Thank you for reading. I’m so grateful to all who have supported me in the last ten years and longer.
I’m especially grateful to Al, who loves me for who I am, has never tried to change me, and is an amazing husband. I try my best to be as amazing of a wife to him.
As soon as I heard about Betz-Hamilton’s book on Episode 125 of the Criminal podcast, I added it to my wish list. I was so thrilled when I opened it as part of my Christmas gift from Al at the end of 2019.
It took me nearly six months to get to it, but I knew I was avoiding it. I had so many high hopes for this book, and I did not want to be disappointed.
Thankfully, this was not disappointing.
It’s hard to talk about this book without giving away certain things. But, I will say that I hope Betz-Hamilton writes more books. She did an incredible job with this. It’s such a personal story, and she truly turned it into action. She has done incredible work with helping identity theft victims for many years, while simultaneously trying to solve the mystery of identity theft in her own family.
If you’ve wanted to learn about identity theft, and its interesting history, this is a great book to read. Betz-Hamilton started her investigation with hardly any resources, and little law enforcement involvement. Times have certainly changed, and she helped educate many people along the way. Without her work, I don’t think identity theft would be as widely known or investigated now.
I related to this book in a few ways. Axton and I were both only children. I struggled with my relationship with my mom, especially as I became a teenager. But, I realize how good I had it. Axton lived in a version of hell under her mother’s roof until she went to college. I recognized so many signs of abuse, sadly.
The chapters were the perfect length. I flew through multiple chapters every night, and struggled with putting the book down.
It was so interesting to read about her life. This book spanned from before she was born up through the early 2010s. I really enjoyed the personal anecdotes, mixed in with academia and identity theft history. I’ve found myself searching for presentations she’s given. I’m hoping she’ll offer a course on identity theft. I want to learn more from her.
This is currently my favorite book of 2020. I’m already planning to re-read it next year.
I loved doing it, and since I received so much positive feedback, I’ve decided to make this an annual post!
Plus, I’m really proud of myself – In the last year, I’ve posted nearly 50 “Getting Personal” posts. Wow!!
Today, Al and I celebrate seven years together.
Here are seven photos that are special to me.
Photo taken July 2015. I made this photo my Facebook cover photo on July 26th: “Two years ago today, we had our amazing engagement photo session with Amanda Kyle MacDiarmid, who owns and operates Stellar Exposures. I had completely forgotten about this photo until it popped up on my Facebook Memories! I need to get a photo canvas!” Image Credit: Amanda Kyle MacDiarmid, owner / operator of Stellar Exposures.
November 2015: I think we were laughing during Al’s dad’s toast as the best man. Image Credit: Amanda Kyle MacDiarmid, owner / operator of Stellar Exposures.
November 2015: Obligatory photo! We had a blast at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, in Orlando, Florida, for our honeymoon!
November 2015: All smiles at Universal Studios!
February 2016: When Lane came home to visit! Cannot wait for the end of October! Image Credit: Lauren Lane Bellar.
September 2016: Al took this photo while we were sitting around the fire at the Vardaro Farm, Scottsburg, Virginia.
December 2016: Bauer Compressors company Christmas party.
A couple of weeks ago, I found this book while I visited 2nd and Charles with a dear friend of mine. They opened a new location across the street from my office last year – They have every type of book, DVDs, Blu-ray, vinyl, CDs, toys, games, and more. Some things are brand-new, still in the packaging! It was only $5.00, so I figured I’d give it a shot.
I immediately recognized that Abbott is the author of other books such as You Will Know Me (currently on my TBR). I was intrigued by a combination of the cover and the synopsis on the inside. And, I can’t really turn down a hardcover book for $5.00!
I found myself reading multiple chapters per night, and I ended up finishing the book after less than a week.
In the 1980s, Lizzie and Evie are finishing up eighth grade, best friends since childhood. They’re attached to each other’s hips, but they appear to be going through their own paths and struggles. What 13-year-olds don’t?
Lizzie’s dad left years ago, but her mom looks like she’s been having a man over to the house recently. Evie appears to be living in her older sister, Dusty’s, shadow, but also excelling at soccer while trying to figure out what happens next.
Then, mere weeks before eighth-grade graduation, Evie Verver suddenly vanishes. As her family and the police investigate, Lizzie proves to be invaluable, finding multiple clues and helping assemble the complex puzzle. Everyone is desperate to get Evie back, although different characters are going through different emotions and handling the situation in different ways. One suspect, from their own neighborhood, looks promising, and the intensity continues to increase.
The book weaves together the complex topics/subjects of a child abduction, painful childhood memories, blossoming sexuality, and the relationships of parents with their children. The setting was the 1980s, and Abbott stays faithful to it the entire time. She also does a good job with balancing tragedy with triumph in her writing.
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The only major complaint I had was that Abbott focuses so much on the relationship between Lizzie and Mr. Verver, and then tries to also explain/develop the relationship between Dusty and her father. The lines started to blur, and it was hard to tell sometimes who Abbott was referring to, and to figure out what exactly was going on.
It was challenging to differentiate between the two, and I felt a little creeped out by the end of the book. Mr. Verver appeared to be the sweetest, least-pervy of the fathers in the book, but some of the allusions that Abbott was making, absolutely made my skin crawl. Part of me didn’t want Lizzie, Evie, or Dusty to be taken advantage of, but part of me knew that the setting was also a different era (in a way), and parent-child relationships can still be taken too far, if you catch my drift. It makes me shudder just writing it.
Abbott is a great writer overall, and I look forward to reading more of her books! I just hope this one is just a fluke.
Carla’s post about toxic relationships is spot on. I sincerely appreciate her writing about this, since this topic is something I have been struggling with immensely, for a good while now.
No names mentioned, but seeing this post this morning makes me feel so much better, and so much less guilty.
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