Tag Archives: Emotions

11.05.14
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Getting Personal #1: Creativity and Lists

Photo Credit: the-storyteller-project.tumblr.com

Photo Credit: the-storyteller-project.tumblr.com

“One day you will wake up and there won’t be be any more time to do the things you’ve always wanted. Do it now.”

~Paulo Coelho

Finally complete a novel.

Publish said novel.

Travel — Hawaii, Alaska, Fiji, Jamaica, Italy, Scandinavia, Australia, New Zealand …

Be a contestant on at least one game show – Preferably Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy! 

Fill my future house with amazing art … Some of that art being my own creations.

Write/publish more novels.

Have children with an amazing man by my side … That amazing man’s name is Al 🙂

Live my life to the absolute fullest.

I originally wanted to base this post off of a Sylvia Plath quote. Don’t worry, that’s coming up soon.

But, the quote from Paulo Coelho struck me.

The list I just composed is very short, but it contains pretty much everything that I want to do before I die. It’s my bucket list of sorts, except I don’t want to call it that. The term “bucket list” has become so cliche since the movie was released seven years ago. I’m not a fan of cliches or stereotypes, so I’m going to loosely title this list the “Laura Beth Checklist.”

I didn’t number the list either. My OCD synapes are angry with me right now, but I’m doing that deliberately.  I don’t want to have a complete order to my life – I learned how to be spontaneous in college, and I want to keep it that way.

Now, you may be wondering how on earth this list and this quote relate to the Sylvia Plath quote. Well, I’ll give you the quote first:

“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”

~Sylvia Plath

The first thing that went through my head when I read the Plath quote was thinking of my attempts at writing novels. It hit me hard. For the last two years, I have participated in National Novel  Writing Month, NaNoWriMo for short. The ultimate goal is to write a 50,000-word novel in the month of November.

First novel, 2012 — Final word count of 10,212 words.

Second novel, 2013 — Final word count of 14,247 words.

Third novel, 2014 — 6,125 words and counting.

Self-doubt is something I think everyone struggles with, at least once. It goes along with the famous “You yourself is your own worst critic” line. But, I think this affects members of the creative community a bit more – I’m talking writers, artists, designers, musicians, photographers, and so on.

The reason I say that is because all of these people are striving to show something they either created or are passionate about to others, especially if they do it for a living. Self-doubt can’t be hanging around all the time if you’re trying to eat and sleep on what you create or perform.

With my novels, along with my pastel artwork and my playing the viola, self-doubt has certainly reared its ugly head.

I confessed to my friend Justin last night that I was still very self-conscious about sharing my novels. As soon as I wrote that though, I shook my head. It sounded so silly seeing it in the Facebook message to him.

I pour a lot of myself into this very blog, so what makes my novels any different, I thought to myself.

With that, I’m offering to share my novels with anyone (yes, anyone!) who is willing to read them. I love having readers of this blog, so I would love to have people read my novels as well. Criticism and praise are optional, but I’d love to hear what you really think. I’ve taken many a workshop class thanks to Longwood, so please don’t be afraid to tell me if you honestly think it’s absolute trash and I need to start over – Honesty is the best policy. Don’t get me wrong, hearing that will hurt a little, but I promise, I won’t throw a temper tantrum!

My advice – Work through the doubt. Give yourself the encouragement that you deserve. Be proud of everything that you do! Having some doubt is okay, but don’t let it take over. You’re so worthy of success!!

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

08.29.14
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Commentary #2: Apologizing

I came across an interesting infographic on Facebook yesterday. It was a simple background of what appeared to be lined journal paper with a quote – See below:

Photo Credit: lessonslearnedinlife.com

Photo Credit: lessonslearnedinlife.com

As I pondered this, I thought back to earlier this week. I tend to get very emotional during my time of the month, and I mean more so than usual. My mom can read me like a book, and she can always tell when it’s that time – I get upset over the littlest things and it feels like all the secrets come out. When I was a teenager, I put her through hell month in and month out because of my meltdowns. Wonderful woman she was, and still is, she always took the time to comfort me and talk me through it.

Photo Credit: hahasforhoohas.com

Photo Credit: hahasforhoohas.com

Case in point: On Monday morning, I got frustrated because I started to feel pain in my left arm/elbow during my workout with Al. I was pissed because I knew I couldn’t finish the workout, and I was disappointed in myself. My emotions were running the gambit at 5:45 in the morning, and it wasn’t pretty. As we were getting our stuff to leave, Al looked at me and remarked with a laugh that I looked like I was going to cry. Well, the tears came within seconds. I wasn’t sobbing, but I was noticeably upset as we left the gym and headed to our cars.

I remember wiping my tears away in the parking lot and telling him that I was “sorry,” that “I didn’t want him to see me like this.” He assured me that it was okay, and that for next time I just needed to adjust the angle to do that exercise correctly. He also made me laugh, something about how I smelled and I needed to go home and take a shower. Oh humor is so wonderful!

So I did the exact opposite of what the quote says. And when I first read that yesterday, I felt guilty at first. Then I picked my head up and realized that I’m strong. I shouldn’t have to apologize for my actions, words, thoughts, etc. There are certain exceptions to that statements, of course, but they’re fairly obvious.

When I shared the quote on Facebook, my friend Justin commented, “At first when I read it I thought it would say ‘Never apologize for speaking your mind and being truthful, even if it will offend someone.’ … I thought that because I’m very prone to doing it …”

Justin’s comments made me think about my own habits. I’ve apologized countless times for speaking my mind and being truthful, especially if I thought or knew that something offensive was coming out of my mouth, or from my fingers when writing/typing.

I don’t consider myself an offensive person – Many of you who know me know that curse words very rarely come out of my mouth, and it’s even more rare when writing/typing. But I’m being literal here.

Justin’s point, and mine, are very similar – No one should feel like they need to apologize every single time they open their mouth or post something on Facebook or online. Your opinions are your own, and sticking to them/not backing down is a sign of strength, much like your emotions. Also, the truth hurts sometimes! If every person was more truthful/honest/open with someone else, the world would be a lot better (in my opinion).

It’s well-known that women tend to be more apologetic than men. I think this is directly related to our emotions. However, as I’ve gotten older, I’m seeing more guys admit to apologizing for their actions and words. I find that very interesting! However, I stick by my views that no one, regardless of your gender, should have to constantly apologize!

This post made me think of something else – The “sorry, not sorry” phrase.

I’ve used it, and I can’t count how many times I’ve seen it used, especially in hashtags.

I’ve also spoken it a couple of times, and it’s felt kind of weird each time.

My wish is my readers realize that it’s OKAY to be sensitive, emotional, having an opinion, and honest! Speak your mind – You never know what you’ll do/change/impact unless you open your mouth!

 

Happy Friday, all! The weekend is almost here!! Safe travels if you’re hitting the road or traveling another way for the Labor Day weekend.

Photo Credit: nationalharbor.com

Photo Credit: nationalharbor.com

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

08.15.14
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Writing Prompt #3: Confessions

I took this idea from a dear friend and sorority sister, Amy. Check out her blog!

Like Amy, I found this exercise to be therapeutic. It brought an incredible sense of relief and peace as I started to pour them out on paper.

Like Usher croons, these are my confessions:

1. I confess that I’m very content with my life right now. And I kind of feel guilty about it, knowing that so many people around struggle day-to-day. In spite of the guilt, I’m very much at peace, unlike my feelings a few months ago!

2. I confess that I feel like I’m not as supportive as a daughter, friend, and girlfriend as I should be. I’ve worked very hard to love myself and pay attention to me, and not everyone else all the time like I used to. However, I feel like that I’ve been selfish.

3.  I confess that my true passion is writing. If I could quit my job and write full-time for the money that I make now, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Heck, I’d do it for less money! I love writing on this blog and I would be over the moon if I’m able to publish at least one novel in my lifetime. For now, though, as I work and get through my paralegal degree, I resign myself to write as much as can and faithfully participate in National Novel Writing Month every year …

4. I confess that I relish, thrive, on alone time. I’m definitely an extrovert, no doubt about that. But after a while (several hours is starting to become my upper limit, but it truly depends on who I’m with), I need to close the door behind me and be able to breathe again. I secretly hate the fact that I don’t have an office at work, I just have a cube. I wish, just once a workday, that I could close a door!

5. I confess that, related to #4, I’m terrified that my alone time will simply disappear and never come back when Al and I get married. I was virtually by myself for 10 months in my apartment, and that was fantastic. Now I’ve been by myself in Mom and Dad’s house for a significant portion of the summer, and I don’t want to give it up!

6. I confess that I’m struggling to keep the momentum going to finish my paralegal degree. I know that I’m doing the right thing by going slowly and not overloading myself with full-time school, but it’s been immensely frustrating to see my credits add up little by little. I wish I was able to take a full load like I did at Longwood, but then I wouldn’t have the time or energy for other beautiful things in my life.

7. I confess that I’ve altered my Sunday morning routine, almost as quickly as I wrote the blog post about it. I went on a mission trip the week after I wrote that post, and it re-awakened my senses. In the span of a week and a half, I knew that I needed to go back to church. And since I have, my life has changed for the better.

8. I confess that I want to travel. I wish I could take an extended leave from my current life and just up and travel the world! I have been blessed to have been able to cross the Atlantic several times before the age of 25, but I don’t want to stop. I desperately want to see all 50 states, and visit all of the lighthouses in the U.S. at some point.

 

Happy Friday! I hope everyone has a great day and an awesome weekend!

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

06.26.14
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Writing Prompt #2: “Self Portrait in Third Person”

I follow this wonderful website, Freckled Italian, religiously. I check it every single day, excited to see the newest post. Megan is a fellow writer and Longwood grad that I love. She is so sweet! Her post on June 25th was the inspiration for the following.

This is the postscript from Megan: This post is in response to the following prompt: “In the same way a painter does a portrait of a person, do a portrait in words…Do a self-portrait in the third person.” (From Old Friend from Far Away, page 214.)

I originally posted my response in the comment section. I read it over multiple times in the last two days, and each time I felt more confident that it needed to be shared here as well. Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

She is jolted awake by her two cell phone alarms at 5:20 a.m. each morning. As she fumbles to press the right buttons/screen on her old LG and her new-ish work iPhone for another 10 minutes of sleep, she settles on her stomach and thinks about where she is thus far.

Laura Beth has recently moved back in with her parents to save as much money as possible, after being on her own in a cozy garage apartment for 10 months. She mulls over all the blessings in her life — Such a supportive family and a host of friends and sorority sisters that she treasures as an only child; a full-time job with multiple benefits such as a wonderful work family; the opportunity to work toward a paralegal degree. She knows that she only had a 50-50 shot at life when she entered this world 15 weeks too soon in 1988, and she is grateful for every breath.

She also knows that a wonderful man by the name of Al will likely ask her to marry him by year’s end, and thinking of that alone brings her utter joy and peace.

She studies herself before starting the water for her shower. Long legs like her namesake, great-grandma who lived to be 102; pale skin with a smattering of moles and freckles all over, and curves that she is finally loving and appreciating. She’s gained around 20 pounds since walking across the Longwood stage, Communication Studies degree in hand, a little over three years prior; but that doesn’t bother her anymore. She’s finally learned to be comfortable in her own skin. She is in complete control of her body.

As the sun starts to break through the clouds, she climbs into her Camry to make the 40-minute drive to Newport News. The commute is longer now, especially heading home, but she knows she’s making the drive for a good, stable job that will carry on into her future career endeavor. She knows that she is strong, independent, compassionate, with a touch of dramatic flair when she gets excited. No need for coffee or Starbucks – Her seemingly-endless amount of energy is fed with a whole-wheat bagel, vanilla yogurt, and water. At nearly 26 years old, Laura Beth is full of life and can’t wait to write the next chapter.

Happy Thursday! I’m really trying to get on a consistent blogging schedule, more than once or twice a month! Have a great day, and Go Team USA!!!

US_Flag_Backlit

Thursday-happy-dance

 

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

06.04.14
by

Ask Me What’s Now

I found a hot link to this article on Facebook earlier tonight. It rang true with me from the title: 26, unmarried, and childless.

Amanda, or Mandi Marie as her website shows, is basically my age. I’ll be 26 in August. I’m not married, and I definitely don’t have children.

I’ve felt many of this woman’s frustrations for quite a while now. And it deals almost exclusively with other people’s thoughts and opinions.

For example – There’s this lovely woman at my parents’ church who I’ve known for at least 20 years. I was talking with her after the service on Sunday and suddenly I saw her head dip down, like she was looking for something on the floor. My conversation trailed off and I asked, puzzled, “What are you looking for?”

Her head popped up as soon as I asked the question and she smiled ever so sweetly. “I was just checking your hand.”

And I quote from the article:

“I shouldn’t be overly concerned with what they’re saying. They’re only teasing or encouraging me with the next step in my life. It’s harmless! No one means anything by it, it’s just time for me to be heading in the same direction as my peers. It makes sense. I get it.

But it doesn’t feel very nice.”

BAM! Mandi Marie, you hit it right on the head. Thank you!

Case in point: Al and I, along with his parents, went to a lovely wedding on Saturday. Their neighbors’ daughter was getting married. The ceremony was beautiful and funny. The reception was elegant and sweet. However, there was one constant question during the five hours we were celebrating the newly married couple with their friends and family:

“Are you taking notes?”

It’s no secret that Al and I are planning to get married, eventually. On September 4th, we’ll celebrate four years together! Personally, I’m happy that we’re not engaged, or married, yet. It’s been a great 3 1/2 years so far! Plus, we’ve experienced a lot together already — Long-distance in the very beginning as I finished my senior year at Longwood, my job search as a new graduate, Al’s work stress, Al losing that job last fall, my desire for independence and leaving Chesapeake for Newport News … Then celebrating new jobs, my return to Chesapeake with the idea and burning desire to save money and prepare for our eventual future, and so much more. I could write a novel …

The other thing about us is we perfectly balance each other in terms of our emotions and the way we handle our feelings. I love that. Al is one of the most laid-back people that I have ever known – and it’s fantastic. When we first met, it was such a breath of fresh air for me, and it still is. However, I’ve never taken it for granted.

While he’s laid-back, I tend to be the complete opposite, 99 percent of the time. I’m going to use high-strung as a generalization.

Back to the Saturday wedding for a minute. We left the reception early, right after the cake was cut. Originally I was disappointed because I wanted to stay and dance for a little while, but my feet were screaming at me, begging for no more torture from my imitation-satin stilettos. I actually walked barefoot to the car!

Anyway, Al and I got in his Mustang and started the drive back to his house. Keep the laid-back vs. high-strung tendencies in your head for a second.

We were making small talk, and then suddenly the “taking notes” comment came up. I remember saying something to the effect of the comment didn’t really bother me; that I was pretty much desensitized to it at this point. Then Al spoke up and said that since the comment was brought up several times, it took a lot of the fun out of the celebration and he wasn’t happy about that at all.

It was very interesting to see how our tendencies were completely flip-flopped at that moment. A little scary, actually. However, it made me realize that we are not defined by our tendencies!

Back to the article – One sentence that set off cheers in my head: “I would like to suggest one thing, though: instead of asking me what’s next, ask me what’s now.”

Whats-next-banner

Most conversations that I have with people tend to start with asking me what’s now, but it always drifts to what’s next. And quickly – Like within five minutes, unless we’re discussing something like our jobs, our hobbies, their children and/or grandchildren, etc.

Unfortunately, I know that these “what’s next” questions definitely won’t stop. Once we get engaged, all the questions will be about the wedding. And once we get married, all the questions will be about where will we live and when are we going to have kids. Believe me, I have many, many friends who are either currently engaged and/or married, and they’ll back me up!

It would just be nice to carry on one full conversation about the now.

present-4

Thanks for listening!

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂

03.13.14
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One Month Later

A month ago tonight, I was still traumatized.

I had gone from being euphoric to being absolutely terrified. I had survived sliding off Route 460 in the beginning of a nasty snowstorm. I wasn’t hurt and my car didn’t have a scratch.

As I sit here on my futon in my warm, cozy apartment, I listen to the wind and rain outside as another cold front pushes through the 757.

Although I was stranded for a day and half and out around $315 for the tow and the hotel room, it could have been a whole lot worse.

I’m counting my blessings tonight.

I have a much greater respect for the weather and the power of a vehicle. I am far more cautious now when I plan any drive in my car. I always check the weather and plan accordingly. No drive or trip is worth my life.

All of this happened for a reason. I know, without a doubt, that God and my guardian angels were by my side on that cold, miserable Wednesday. And I will never forget it.

I’ve been impacted by this experience forever. I occasionally shudder at the memories of that day, but I keep putting it into perspective.

  1. I wasn’t physically hurt.
  2. I did not damage my car.
  3. I didn’t hit anyone else or cause injury.
  4. I had everything I needed for my hotel stay because of careful planning.
  5. I had the resources available to afford the tow and the room.
  6. I had loving, caring friends and family who supported me through the ordeal.

And for all of that, I’m grateful.

Until the next headline, Laura Beth 🙂